It Came Out Of Nowhere

me and my bf was together for about a year and 8months and he went to prison for some years and to tell you the truth it **** me off but the funny thing is i was **** like 5 months after the fact and now i been waiting on him for 2 years already and now because i been to myself from him for awhile i had time to look and review my relationship with him i was like a deer in headlights cause i love him and i had so many other problems with myself and other situations i never fix the problems i had towards him so now i have been really depress and lost with this whole situation and to be honest because i have stop completely living my life half of it is because of him cause i really miss him and i feel like i dont want to start my life i feel we can pick up where we left off when he get out but im starting to see its not health cause i got to really get myself together and i realizing all my own problems with myself  and i just stated to realize that i have a lot of issues against him that i didnt want to think about cause i love him so much and i really feel like because i have been by myself i been finding out so much about myself and to be honest i realizing the woman i am and should of been with him and before him but im starting to see that as much as i love him im having thoughts about staying with him really its not the time that worry me its i dont want the same relationship i had with him because i think we our both better than that and honestly i dont know if he is going to be what i am looking for in what i want in a relationship to be its not the love i have for him that as the problem with its that i dont trust him and i feel he keep making me wait on him cause he been going on this whole time thinking and doing whats the best for him thats why he is in prison because he did things that he wanted to get into and do want was best for him and he didnt see how it would of effect me so im lost he said he have change but with the problems i have with him i dont know how i would look past it i want to cause he have a special part in my my life but i love myself a lot more to be in a unhealthy relationship im learning it is not  worth it but  another part of me wants only him so i need to know if he wait for me until i get my life together and to where i can see if he appreciate me cause from what i seen he didnt that much when we where together but we both where young minded in being serious was far away we didnt want to be real with each other so i hold that account to but i just dont know i pray about it and put it up in the air to god