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I'm Sorry I Couldnt Help Him

My fiance is addicted to Crack Cocaine. He wasn't always like that. We dated when we were young. He was the first person I ever had sex with but like most young love, we had to split up. I met another man and fell in love and had two kids but could never forget about Kevin. I split with my kids father and decided to start dating Kevin again. The first couple times he went on benders I brushed it off, figured he was getting some last partying out of his system before he settled down. He then started ripping of me and our friends. I gave him the ultimatum of me or the drugs and he said he would get clean but I still had my doubts. We got in an argument one afternoon, it was a huge misunderstanding and should have never happend, but Kevin took off and got high.. He had been gone for 3 days when him and 2 other people decided to rob a store to get money to support their habit and continue their bender. Police came and raided my house, they almost had my children taken away for even associating with a guy like Kevin. They told me it was no regular "mickey mouse stick up" and that the store clerk had gotten seriously hurt. He called me later that night and I snapped, told him the police came by and told me everything but he claimed he had nothing to do with it. He claimed he was only in the store when it happened. I told him if that was the case then he should turn himself in and deal with it so we can put it behind us and move on with our lives. Kevin was in jail for 2 weeks before I could bail him out, I was there every single day trying my best to get him out. The crown doesnt believe that Kevin had nothing to do with the robbery and is asking 2 years. I knew there was a good chance that he would be going back jail, the evidence wasn't in his favor for some reason. I was his surety which means i had to make sure he didn't screw up while on bail and that he followed his conditions. He was on house arrest and couldnt leave the house without me but we were X-Mas shopping the other day and split up for just a minute, to buy each others gifts. He took off from the mall to go get high and I didnt hear from him all night and the next day. Finally I had to pull his bail because if he was to get caught out I would lose the $5000 I put up to get him out. He called 3 hours later and was seriously choked when I told him I had to pull his bail. I told him I couldnt afford that money and I was mad that he had spent our x-mas money on Crack. He agreed to turn himself in again and just do his time and get it over with and go to treatment, he says he really does want to get off the dope and I hope he's serious. We spent the weekend together and he said he would bring himself in on Sunday night. He was supposed to call me before he went but he never did. Now I dont know if he got arrested and is in jail or if he took off to smoke crack and isn't going to turn himself in. I told him that if he does do the right thing I'll be there for him every step of the way and make things as comfortable as possible for him, but if he decides to run, he should lose my number and forget we ever happened. I've been sick to my stomach waiting for him to make a decision. Ive done everything I could and now its out of my hands.. I feel terribly that I couldnt get him off the dope but I've know addicts my whole life and in the end its only up to them if they want to get clean. My mom commit suicide when I was 16 because she was addicted to drugs and couldnt get clean and it terrifies me that the love of my life may end up the same way. If he turns himself in and does get pinned for the robbery, the most he'll do is a year, in canada you only do 2/3 of your sentince and he has some "dead time" under his belt from when I was trying to bail him out. I know there is some women on here whos men are gone for years and I commend you for staying strong and standing by your man and I really hope my man made the right decision so I can do the same.
MrsCardinal MrsCardinal 22-25 1 Response Dec 20, 2010

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wow that's tough,tough,tough, but you also have to think of your kids... don't stop the world