My Boyfriend Has To Serve 10 Years In Prison :(

After a year and a half of waiting for a trial, my boyfriend accepted a deal for 12 years with time for credit served. We have a 2 year old daughter, he's been gone since she was 8 months old, and I have literally cried every single day since April 1, 2010. I feel so empty at times, and I'm so sorry for our daughter and us. I know most people say this, but my boyfriend didn't do what he was accused of. I feel like there were so many problems with his case in the first place, but in the end his lawyer didn't see how he could win it for him. I love him with all my heart and we had such a great relationship, but I don't see how  I can go on for 10 more years waiting. I feel such a burden because all he really has is me and our daughter and it sucks to feel that someone else's happiness depends on you. It's even harder for me because being considerate is a part of my personality for better or worse, and I always end up thinking about how my actions will affect anybody. 

It's sad because my boyfriend knows that eventually I will have to move on and probably begin another relationship. But the last thing I would want to do is tell him that I'm going to start seeing someone else. He's mostly afraid that I will forget about him and not bring our daughter around. I know how lonely I feel and I have family around me, so I can't even imagine the torture of knowing you're about to spend an entire decade in prison. When you truly think about how long that is, it's very overwhelming. So many times I think about all the things we will not have together and I can't stop crying. All we wanted was to be together and have a home and raise a family. He's missed all of our daughter's milestones, her two birthdays, our first Mother's and Father's's so depressing. I think I will definitely need to seek counseling because I know I need to take better care of myself and get some relief from all these feelings. I don't know what to do, I'm so angry. I keep thinking about confronting the woman who accused him; she did it because of her own selfishness and desperation, not thinking about the lives she would be f*cking up. I was so mad when I saw her in court; she couldn't even look me in the eyes because we all knew the truth. 

It's even difficult to write about because I feel like I have to keep so much of this inside. But I hope that I will find some sort of inspiration from reading everyone else's stories.
solitaYsola solitaYsola
5 Responses Oct 18, 2011

I know this post is old, but I know completely how you feel. On Monday I will be going to my boyfriends sentencing. I had our 2 month old daughter while he was incarcerated. It was and has been the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. He is going to be sentenced fifteen years. I'm in love with him but I know eventually life will have to go on. I cry all of the time. All I can do is ask God for strength to make it thru all of this.

I never came back to this after I posted. I was very depressed with this situation. I literally cried every day for a year and a half after he went to jail. I decided I couldn't keep going on like that. I tried to just focus on my daughter and myself, and not cut everybody else out. I moved on from our relationship. I actually got married to someone earlier this year, we've been together about 2.5 years now. I still communicate with my ex. I still feel really sad for him because he still has a long way to go. I feel super guilty for not seeing him for a while now. He doesn't understand I hate to see him locked up. I just hope that he will be able to go back to his old self after spending so much time in prison - it's just a completely different world.

Don't worry - it will be hard, but you can find the strength to keep moving forward.

My boyfriend did 10 years in prison and he has now been home for 3. Don't get me wrong, it was and still is tough. Sometimes, I look at him and wonder how will his past affect my future. Selfish, I know...but I am entering in nursing school and he still lives like he is incarcerated. It gets very frustrating at times and he is relying on me to be there for him. I've spent most of those years being his penpal and visiting him. I also had a few relationship but these guys were nothing compared to him. I went into relationship just looking for companionship....short term....of course. Now we are on the verge of splitting up because I thought he would have came out of that prison mentality by now but I was wrong. Not to say your man will be like that. The only thing you can do is to pray and keep the faith. Our daughter is now 13. I conceived her the night before his cousin came over to drag him out the house. He never came home and I later found out that he was in jail and I was pregnant. I didn't visit him for 2 years because I was pissed off but that is her father. I started taking her to see him and they grew a bond (yes, a bond....even behind bars he has feelings). My advice to may not be what you are ready to hear but here goes......LIVE!!!! Live life to the fullest. Focus on yourself so you can be strong for that child. Don't deny your child a relationship with him...afterall he is the father. FORGIVE!!!!

my heart bleeds for you i wsh you and him the best through this and you are nopt alone iv been doing almost two years for a 3 year sentence with my man so i feel your pain and hearing this i am thankfull for small mercys, you are very strong and i wish all you ladies thqat commented all the best x

My boyfriend has to do 10 years too :( He could get out early, but I doubt it will happen. I am still shocked, and I am not sure what to do. I can't really grasp 10 years. It cost so much to keep up with the phone calls, and the struggle to go see him every week is so hard. I am pregnant right now with his baby. I am happy because he got the sentencing over really fast. I am due in 2 month. I just feel empty and robbed as well. I plan on being with him. We have a really close bond, and I consider him my "soulmate". It's hard to let go. You have to make sure you do what makes you happy. I mean you don't have to stay with him. It's like you'll be in prison with him. It really sucks. Do what makes you happy, and do what you feel is right.

10 years is a long time and i fell your pain. I have a 1 year old son whos dad (my fiance) is going to prison for 4 years .. reading your story my heart goes out to you cuz i know how it feels, and in a way i guess i feel lucky he is only going for 4 years. just try to focus on your daughter and taking care of yoruself and her and keep you chin up I kleep telling myself thinsg will get easier and i am tell you this too so i hope that it is true

i had a lot of typo's in that comment.. sorry about that