Afraid I've Lost Him--no Clue Why If I Did

I tend to overreact to many things, but my man always writes me letters...more than he ever writes to others, even his family members. Now it's been 2 weeks of nothing from him to me, yet he has sent multiple letters to others and has been calling them too. I am very hurt and depressed. I try not to worry and to be calm and patient, but deep down I feel that he has left me...that he no longer needs me :'( I was planning a 5-hour drive to visit him, but now I'm afraid it would be an embarrassing waste of time, especially if he refused to even see me.
Moppy1632 Moppy1632
46-50, F
5 Responses Jan 9, 2013

Let me ask you a question if he as you say a nice guy what was he doing behind the wheel over that car when he was impaired? And just how nice would he be if he hit or killed someone while drunk?

Don't you think he knows that he is in AA where he is he has his own guilt to worry about . He has lost his 12,000.00 motorcycle he was also driving that night and also he had his cdl so even though he was not driving they go according to cdl drinking limits ... I did not get on this site to argue with you... Igot on here for support. Why are you here you must not have a man in jail

I have seen 100"s of thousands of male inmates come and go to prison, I have worked for the dept. of corrections for the past 20 years. And believe me I have seen and heard it all!!!! 1 out of 4 will be back in with in 5 years of their release (job security). Now maybe your man may beat the odds. Or maybe he won't. Only time will time!!

Well I know this for sure he has never had a woman who is there for him like me his mom told me that, and that too can make a difference but time will tell you are right about that ... He's worth taking the risk for if I don't I won't know what we could have been ... I've never had a guy help me and be there do things for me like him before and watching over me ... I trust him with my life and that's hard for me to do


In all seriousness if you love someone really love someone you stand beside them... Mine got a DUI , when he gets out he has a job waiting for him he does welding and his employer wants him back bad... He messed up ok but you do not know what he has been through... I do know that he has probably helped me just as much if not more than I have helped him. I have known him for 33 years and with all of the abuse sexual physical mental that I have gone through his house was a safe place for me to go hang out. I will stick by my man good and bad as long as he wants me too. Think before you judge

They have to get tested every time they go anywhere he has told me this ... Of all the testing

I work in law enforcement. I know that you do not want to hear this, but if I am: this may be a blessing in disguise for you, get rid of him. When he is released from prison he will always have a record that will follow him. Depending on what type of crime he has committed will also dictate what kind of job he will be able to find, if he was able too find one. (lets face it, there are not many jobs out there at this time and why should an employer give the job too an ex-inmate when he could hire perhaps a man with out a record, maybe he is a husband and a father . Find a man that is "free" without a criminal recored that has a job! The chances of him landing back in prison is also very high. Good luck and God bless!

I know how you are feeling mine does the same before he would call 3 times a day write every week and I would see him once a week .... He got out on work release went back late and lost his work release... Now he goes days no calls he will say I will call you tomorrow and 3-4 days later he will . I have gotten 2 letters since sept 2012... Some days it's like he won't look at me . My Counclor says that it is because he is depressed and mad at himself and it hurts to see me looking good and to watch me walk out and he can't go with me... I second guess myself all the time wondering what did I do he's mad at me ... He found someone else better.... It hurts so bad I cry all day sometimes and it is very hard to go to work ... You are not alone I know how you are feeling

Thanks for the support and understanding :) I know exactly what it's like to constantly second guess--I do it so much I make myself absolutely miserable! It makes it even harder to deal with since his attitude has changed so drastically! I feel so alone and unfullfilled while I am doing everything I can to be loving and supportive to him...then I feel resentful, hurt and depressed when I get nothing real from him...then I start feeling guilty for getting upset with him. It's awful!!! It's even more difficult since I had a very traumatic abusive childhood and unhealthy adult relationships and I seem to be "programmed" not to trust and to feel that I am not worthy of love (these traits play out mostly subconsciously but they are always there). I am working with counselor/mental health workers related to depression anxiety PTSD and codependent issues. Thanks again for being supportive :)

Wow your life sounds allot like mine

I was thinking the same thing as I was reading your posts

An a great letter and should get some phone calls soon. I gotta keep the faith and have more confidence and trust in my man or I'm gonna screw up a good thing.

Than I wish you the very best!

Thanks...all the comments above confused me at first...then I realized most of them have absolutely nothing to do with my story :/ I was in love with my guy before he got into trouble and even then the cards were stacked against us...both coming from messed up childhoods and both with a history of few (but unhealthy) relationships. We were trying to make a fresh start in life and work to have something good together when something from months in his past came back to haunt him. Now he is paying the price to society and our relationship is also bearing the burdens of this. Some days I feel strong and believe that we will make it through this. Many days I feel hopeless (alot of this based on past experiences of being left behind or used and not really loved) and want to avoid potential hurt and betrayal by just walking away and never looking back. Something--good or bad, positive or unhealthy--keeps me here...waiting for a man who has continued to write letters but no longer writes about "us", our future together, or anything tender or romantic like he did before. I feel like a fool, but can't stop caring...can't stop loving least not right now :(

And even though my man is in prison and obviously did wrong, he is not a lost cause to be written off as forever ruined and a menace to the world. He is busting his butt in a special hardcore program that I believe will turn out to be the very thing he needed to save his life and provide him with the tools to live a successful life once he is out. Sadly, I may not share this with him...I can't make him love me like I want/need to be loved. If I lose him it will hurt like hell but I will survive...just like I've survived so many other losses and disappointments in my life. I came to this site in search of support cause there really isn't anything out there (that I could find) for someone with a significant other in jail or prison.

I hate people who judge! Just because you've worked in the law enforcement doesn't mean you know the guys we are dating!! Everyone is different.
Do not get rid of this guy!! He sounds great and you sound like you really love him!! Just wait it out, things will get better!! Stay positive :)

Thank you so much for your support :) I'm actually going to be going to see him in a few days (unless we get a blizzard :/) and I am super excited about it! Letters have been back on track too--just wish he was a little less shy with the mushy love stuff ;) but he is a guy and he knows I'm not the only one who will be reading it...staff goes thru incoming and outgoing mail with a fine tooth comb. He really is a sentimental romantic when he lets his guard down :)

Yay!!! Visits are always so nice!!! And I kinda get shy too when I write my letters to my boyfriend. I hope you have a great visit with your man!!

Thanks! :)

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