My Wall Is....

My wall is not beautiful. It's never been. It's just necessary. I need it or I wouldn't be able to survive in this world. I've known for a long time that I am a sensitive person and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve where everyone can see it and abuse it. I have been hurt countless times in my life by family, people who claim to be my friends, bosses, co-workers and men.

Usually my wall it haphazardly built, hastily built because someone has hurt me and I must rush to protect my heart and secure it. There are always holes in my wall. Holes that people can look in and see me and that can grab onto something to pull the walls down if they think they can be good to me. I have allowed this many times. I am actually very efficient at putting the walls up quickly. I can't even tell you how old I was when I first needed to have a wall.

But this time is different. This time the wall was built differently....this time will be different. Someone broke my heart and I have to have a safe place to keep it. I didn't even realize I was building the wall I was so busy tending to my heart. I meticulously made this wall. This time it's made of cement blocks, ugly I know but strong. And between each block is enough cement to ensure that no one knocks it down, that no one can get through, that no one hurts me again. And I built it this time seemlessly, there are no holes, no cracks so no light, no one and nothing will get in. My heart will lay in pieces and try to heal and the wall will keep it safe. And it's very high, so high that someone will think twice when trying to scale it....yes I think I've finally got it right. I won't be hurt again......
Kat47 Kat47
46-50, F
4 Responses Jan 21, 2013

how do u build a wall? i really need one right now

Mannn Kat, all ure stories hits home gurL , Gezz , ok so i been building this so called walls and i am stareing at Kats walls @,@. Now down here in da south, i reckon dem walls beh tough, tall and strong. I was sitting here chillin and shyte. Lord beh hold, a hurricane done came through and flooded me out a couple of times, i was runninggg.... I was aiming tah redo and rebuild it all and i did so with all kinds of ppl. They was all acting kinna like Fema and stuff but we finished it. Everythang was calm and there i was chillin again. Just then out of nowhere, sumthin came up from underneath and bit meh. Now i aint gots no walls again. knock knock Kat. = }

I know of a similar castle. Still, living in a nice ranch home with proper fences and gates that let in good things and keep out bad things is a better long term plan. It is called having proper boundaries and it is hard but worthy pursuit that would prevent later invasions on your walls. Even while you are in your casltle healing you can work on it Read Melodie Beatty's books. The first one in this series, Codependent No More is in the library. It is old but very good. Good luck.

Life can be hard ,sorry to read so much hurt in your story.

Have a hug ,we are not all bad.