When Do You Say, I Need to Get Help?

when do you say, i need to get help? my friends tell me i need to seek help for my eating disorder. i know that i need help. i just don't know how to let it go yet. it is a good way to "ingest" my feelings and "release" them out again. I know that it is very unhealthy, but i can't stop thinking that it has worked for so long. then i look back and see the damage it has caused me since i have started. I look at all of that. and i still am not ready to stop! i don't understand it at all. I know why to stop, i just can't find a way to make me want to start that process. I do, in some way, like the way it feels when i release, but then the shame comes...i don't know what to do...so i just keep doing what i have been doing....eating my feelings and purging them from myself. not an idea i would suggest to anyone. it doesn't work, but i still can't stop...

~Scarlette~

scarlettered scarlettered
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 9, 2009

i do know all of that. but sometimes i need to hear it again. so thank you. it isn't about throwing up. more about wanting some kind of control. and the more i want control, the less i have. i guess it doesn't make sense, even to me. but there it is. and yes, throwing up does bug the living crap out of me. but there are times when that doesn't matter, it is more important to get it all out, than to not throw up...

i always find it strange because i am terrified of throwing up. when i'm naseous my anxiety goes ski high! i hate to throw up, to dry heave all of that. doesn't that bug you at all? plus, the stomach acids will start to eat away at your esophagus. so you should probably think about whether you want to be able to eat through your mouth, or through a tube in your stomach in the future. <br />
but you will be able to stop it when you want. i'm sure you will have a huge support group, and if you were brave enough to start, you are strong enough to stop.