How Long Is Too Long?

Well let's see...its been 8 years and counting since the first time I purged. I jus remember how
good it used to make me feel. Now I feel sick and so controlled all the time. I miss being able to
Enjoy family dinners. I'm 20 and feel as if I'm 35. When I was 16 my mom made me go to an inpatient
Rehab and at that time I dint want help. But now when it has made my life so unenjoyable, help is a very
Hard thing to get. My family doctor told me that it was jus stress from being an adult and on my own.
My boyfriend doesn't really help either. It is too much of a hassle to have to listen to me. He thinks its gross
And disgusting. He tells me that he will leave me if I don't eventually stop. He has said that to me a mill
Ion times and I will never believe him til he does. Deep down I only think he stays with me to b able to say
He dates me. Its like he doesn't care how f***ed up in the head I am. As long as I look good. Well I jus needed
To vent bad. Thanks for listening.

This is my first post so plz mind the s & g...and the scatter brain
shleigh1034 shleigh1034
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 10, 2010

I hear you loud and clear. Ive been 'doing it' for 9 years now. I only got out of hospital at the start of year, I weighed 36kg, mind you im a 34 year old. I now weigh 65kg, i feel 'fat' but at the same time i feel so much better.

I been entangled in this hell for 10 years. Like you, I once went inpatient as well, however, I was too arrogant to see the opportunity it was. I pretended to be find and now here I am 8 years later and would kill for the same opportunity to present itself. I know what you are saying about not feeling good. I have no energy, I feel so unmotivated, and angry at myself. I cannot believe I haven't "fixed" myself (foolish thinking!) yet.<br />
<br />
Anyway, just wanted to say you're not alone. <br />
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(forgive me with the spelling and grammar as well... I'm new, too! :) )