Help Is Hard To Get.

So my parents found out; brilliant- just what I needed, for the two most judgemental people in the world to find out how weak I am.

That their screwed up daughter is actually worse than they thought.

But I felt, and I don't know if this is fair, but I felt like yelling at them, because although I have lived the last eight years of my life like a spy, I feel that they should have noticed. Because I think if some one I cared about had this disease I WOULD NOTICE.

But I digress, everyone knows, my brother, my parents, my friends, even the bloody housekeeper (yes I am that 'poor little rich girl') who keeps asking me if I'd like her to pray for me.

Oh by all means, because 'God' has done so much for me already.

Anyway I'm trying to talk about help; help is hard to get. I almost feel like if I was anorexic and severely underweight help would be easier to get. The medical people around me seem to view me as some kind of attention seeking prankster who wants to waste their time. This could have something to do with the fact that they tried to section me two years ago, and I refused. (Voluntarily go into a mental institution I don't think so.)

So anyway they're ignoring me at the moment, and my Mum says that I shouldn't take it personally, that they aren't trying to upset me, that they have other people to help.... But it's doing my head in.

Every time I'm told to wait for a week, or that they'll call me back I have this rage, and I cant stop- I feel like (and I know in retrospect this is stupid) that they are rejecting me, that I'm not sick enough for them to help, that they hate me. So I call them, and I call them, and I bug their staff and I just keep ringing.

And now I'm full of stress and I don't know how to battle it, and my delusional episodes are starting again.
And they still haven't called me back,
cinnamongalwest cinnamongalwest
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 13, 2010

Hi. <br />
Your story reminds me of me a lot- especially the making excuses so as not to ever go out.<br />
I know exactly how you feel, bulimia really takes you away from everything else.<br />
I've isolated every single person I ever cared about because they just weren't as important as bingeing and purging.. <br />
I've just been given my psychiatric evaluation date- Monday, so I could very soon be on the same path as you.<br />
But anyway as I was saying I don't have that many people I can talk to, and talking to people who don't have it is extremely difficult, so I totally agree we should talk more detail. <br />
Hit me up whenever you want,

i know help is hard to get i want to get help just dont know really where to first i told myself it was just a phase im going threw but its not......i have realized myself this is not the way i want to go do something about it now im 18 years old and ive been doing this for a year but stoped then started again and im at my worst now help is always there you just go to look.....wish you the best xoxox