My First Blog About Bulimia

Im 20 years old. Pregnant at 18,  had my baby at 19.
I had my baby 11 months ago.
Before my pregnancy I always had self esteem issues about my boddy. But now that i think about it, i dont know why. I was a good weight. I didnt have much of a stomach. I was 110 lbs.
Now since i had my child. I cant seem to loose the weight.
I know i gained.
Im 128 :'(
I feel disgusted and embarassed.
My uncle actually told me one day that I need to start exercising more cause i gained alot.
Ive been purging for 11 months now.
Im still a fatass.
I joined the gym.  I cant control my eating. I never get full until after i eat.
I hate my thighs my stomach full of stretchmarks with a big bulging stomach.
My face is more rounder my arms are more chubby.
My boyfriend who i live with has noticed food missing, how much im eating.
I think he is catching on. Yesterday after dinner my usual routine purging secretly.
He asks me what im doing in there.

I just finished purging. I feel disgusted and ashamed.
I have not told anyone about this. And im starting to feel depressed.

LedZeppelinTangerine LedZeppelinTangerine
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 23, 2010

Hallo you<br />
<br />
I would like to give you some advise now, and my hope and wish is that you take it onboard. I am 34 and I have had bulimia for 20 years. STOP now, 11 months is nothing. It gets alot worse if you don't stop now. Getting help is expensive.Look at your beautiful child, appreciate the guy on the other side of the bathroom door who asks if you are okay.Tell him if you have to, ask him to stay with you after dinner time so that you don't have the opportunity to go and vomit. There is so much to live for, and what is a little baby weight, you can eat plates and plates full of healthy stuff and still loose weight, ask me if you like, I am a nutritionist, and although I am knee deep in trouble with bulimia, I can still guide you to "no hunger, plenty food, weight loss" the healthy way. Please,for yourself, kick this bulimia in the ***, NOW. <br />

I can't offer much advice because I still suffer but I can offer a little...<br />
<br />
You've got to look inside and find what is really causing the b/p cycle. There are millions of women get fat after pregnancy who don't throw up; what in your life is making you sick? That is the key. <br />
Whether it is post partum depression, or things in life that are beyond your control. <br />
I relapsed after having my second child. I hated my current situation in life and focused on the one thing I could change. I get joy, guilt, and a high that resembles xanax after a b/p episode. If you can get treatment I urge you to do so. It will only get worse.