8 Years Of Bulimia When Will It End

to be honest i dont even know where to start ive had bulimia for 8 yearsand i am so sik of it wen i first had it i felt like id discovered something brilliant eat wat i want and not be fat thts wat its always seemed to be about to me i was the chubby kid nobody wud eva like me and then i lost 4 stone on the atkins diet which to me is a silly diet neway but then someone bought me sum choccies for my bday and afta id ate them i felt so guilty so i med myself sick and its gone on from there.but its affected my life in so many ways i know theres no such thing as normal but i dont want bulimia to be who i am.i lost all my friends wen i was yunga coz of this i felt i had to av a boyfried so i wasnt on my own n this in turn has led to me bin with sum1 wen i shudnt av stayed wi them n then avin kids wi them i love my children n i was so proud of myself wen i didnt mek my self sick one whilst being pregnant but i ve neva bin able to rid myself of it completely.as soon as id given birth i just wanted the weight off so for 4 months solid i just med myself  sik afta anything i ate.tht was about 3 years ago n its just bin up and down il do ok n then il just do it worse than b4.i actuli wasnt doin too badly i wen on a diet n im thinnest ive eva bin but ive dunt it rite but this is wer the otha problem starts i know feel i cant eat anything remotely bad without makin myself sik.i feel too ashamed to tell any1 coz i just think they think u shud be ova this n i get the impression otha ppl just think im greedy.wen i was yunga i neva thought of the repercussions of wat i was doin but now as a mum i dont want to pass on these bad habits and i dont want to leave them either,my teeth are not wat they used to be n i get hear palpitations any1 else had these.n my throat has been bad ova the last week or so afta gettin upset and stressed with family matters and getting bk in to mekin myself sik.today is the first day im tryin to not do it fingas crossed.i already feel betta reading so many stories of otha ppls experience i dont feel such a freak anymore.
15steps 15steps
22-25, F
Jul 28, 2010