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This Is My Story.......

W ell my names Serena , im 22, and i believe bulimic. No i havent been diagnosed professionally, just self. I dont remember when it all started, i do remember i used to just bring food up to make people squirm in elementry school, and it went from there. I can control my inside muscles to just bring the food up, unless no more will come and then i attempt the whole hand in throat method. I thought at one point i had it under control, I had started to eat right adn exercise obsessivly. I lost 40 pounds the healthy way and was so proud because i had done it without having to throw up.  Unfortunently I ended up having to end a 5 year relationship and I believe it was the stress of this, and the worry i wouldnt be wanted by any other man unless I got skinnier led me to as drug addicts say "relaps" . Whats makes it even worse is I am now with a wonderful man, but cant get myself to stop.......even tho I wanna. As far as i know neither my family or boyfriend have any idea, altho my bf has made a comment about me using the restroom after i eat all the time , my mom joking around after xmas made a comment about "I better not be turning bulimic on them " jokingly and I wanted so bad just to come clean but I didnt :(

 Well thats me. Thanks for reading

itsbeenajourney itsbeenajourney 22-25, F 54 Responses Jan 7, 2008

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I want to offer you a practical diet plan. I see you are ready for change, so glad and happy for you . This diet plan helped me to lose weight (10lbs per week) and you don't have to pay a cent. Rather than choosing to use bulimia as a way to control ur weight, I believe having a healthy diet plan is a much better way! Please pm me:)

i realise this is really old, but i have just stumbled across it now. i've been going through a similar situation over the last 2 or 3 years. I too thought i'd beaten it until a nasty split and couldn't even explain why i'd started again! A few friends of mine knew that i WAS going through it, but they don't know that it's started again but keep commenting on how many times i'll go to the toilet after eating etc. I really want to stop because i'm so aware of the damage i'm doing, but i'm scared to tell family or friends for their support xx

I feel your pain Serena. I have recently recovered from bulimia, and I know you can too. It is very difficult to be open about your eating disorder, but the internet is a great place to start. You can receive quite a bit of help and remain anonymous. Getting comfortable online helps build the courage to seek help and receive <b>bulimia treatment</b>. Treatment is different for everyone and there are many ways to overcome this eating disorder.

Damn that sounds harsh but one thing is for sure.<br />
After it starts messing up with your relationships, you have to make a stop to it.<br />
That's something you don't want it to do.<br />
I wish you lucky.

Serena-<br />
<br />
I have been hard-core anorexic/bulimic, I'm admitting at least once-mostly multiple times daily-for nearly 8 years. Having been through various types of therapies, hospitalizations, anti-depressents, family/friend support systems - that ALL eventually quit helping/working, because I allowed myself to remain in self-denial...until a couple weeks ago when I realized the amount of debt I have not only put myself in, but my family. I have made a lot of money over the course of my 23 year old life, enough where-had I not spent it on diet supplements (for anorexia) and food (bulimia)-I wouldn't even have any college debt whatsoever. Instead I have very few people that still talk to me, and I am in the financial hole over 20,000 with creditors calling me almost every day. It's scary.<br />
Cannot convey how much these disorders will take a toll your finances, the people that love you, and ultimately you and your health.<br />
I don't know what anyone else-you or above has had to deal with in terms of effects on the body-but from such extreme malnutrition (even though I have appeared pretty normal looking)- I have little energy for someone my age, consuming any alcohol makes me very jittery and occasionally I have a difficult time even walking, a bad case of psoriasis, and difficulty sleeping.<br />
The longer you allow this disorder to fester and take over you-it will get stronger and more difficult to say and commit to saying no. <br />
You coming out and having the courage to say out loud what you're going through is a huge step, and everyone that has commented above, and myself, support you and will be thinking and hoping for you. <br />
Overcoming this is your window to truly living a life worth living-a happy one. Don't waste your time spiraling down like many of us have-KEEP FIGHTING-you can, and will-RISE AGAINST.<br />
Please keep us all posted and reach out if you need to.

I'm bulimic too dear. It's okay. We're all fighting monsters.

im goin through the same with bulimic. ive been diagnosed with it now, ive had it 6 years nw i started when i was 16. i had a bad childhood. one day i was watchin tv n saw on telly about it n saw some girl doin it and how it helped her get through what she was goin though. so i fort to myself ill try it so i started at 16 years old. i cant get out of what im doin im addicted to doin it nw. for the past 2 and a half year i havnt needed to use my fingers i can bring it up by myself now. i havnt long came out of hospital ive nealy had 3 heart attack because of this. my potassium witch is the heart is really low my heart level went down to 1.2 witch is really bad, the potassium should be atleast 3.5. im on potassium tablets i have been since i was 19 years old. i need proper help and i need to get over this! if i carry on with the way i am ive been told ill be dead by the time im 23, its scarey when the hospital tell you somthink like that but it dont scare me enuf to just stop it. i dunno how to stop and get this fort out of my head ive done it for so long now im scared im neva gonna get over it and im goin to die. i got a gawjus lil girl and i need help to get over this so i can be the mummy i wanna be. i ent got the time for my lil girl becuase i ent got the energy to play, my head goes really dizzy and feel like ima pass out. its time i get real help now ive been diagnosed with bulimic. any ideas how to get over this??

Hey, step 1: relax. You're not the first, and you sure as hell won't be the last. If you want to live that badly, then i would say it's probably worth some money - even if you don't have much. To see your daughter's 18th birthday, is priceless. So, we rule out the 'i don't have enough money' argument. After that, there's no boundaries. Try this site: www.mootu.com - there are loads of people, all qualified in the UK, and they'll talk to you on Skype so you don't have to go anywhere. You can see their profile, experience etc. before you go to them, and even get a 15min free talk to see if you get on, etc.

Seriously, you have had all the help the NHS can offer you, and have got nowhere. Time to seek out the professionals, and kick the habit.

BW's hun,
D9

I used to be really obese, and then I lost over 100 pounds the healthy way, but now I am obsessed with loosing more weight. I'm 17 years old, 5"9, and according to a bmi chart as long as I am between 120-170 pounds I am at a healthy weight. I am 153 pounds and I want to be 130 pounds, why that number? Idk, I am obsessed with that number. When I was on my diet, i had the best control, there could be an all you can eat brownie buffet in front of me and I wouldn't even look. on my 16 birthday i weighed 162 pounds and I was satisfied. But slowly during the next 4 months I gained some weight back because I wasn't used to eating regular portions, but I was happy. it all started when I entered my junior year of hs, I lost the end of school and begining of summer weight and was around 165. During the entire junior year I would always constantly fluctuate in my weight, but it wasn't until around april did my bulimia get at it's worst. See, even after I binged, I never bothered throwing it up, i would just go running on a treadmil, and took an occasional laxative but stopped after I **** my self on the beach. By April, it all went to the worst. By spring break I reached my lowest weight ever of 145, but then I binged, and at that moment everything changed. After a binge, i used to try and burn it off, now, I just lay on the couch and weep feeling guilty and disgusting, looking at my bulge in my belly from the amount of food I have just consumed. The next day I start all over, starving myself or eating little to nothing, and excessive excersice. Since then my weight has always stayed between 147-160, but it only got to 160 because I was really bloated from a 3 day binge, and after 4 days of acctually eating a healthy 1600 calorie diet and moderate excersize i got down to 151. In the middle of the summer I got down to 144.7, but then one day I completley lost it, while my aunt was out shopping and my cousins were in the front shooting hoops, I raided the fridge, pantry snacks, and garage. oreos, butter fingers, cheetos, poptarts, I binged on it all. I felt so disgusting and sick I cried and cried, and didn;t wanna do anything except lay on the bed and watch tv. Now coming back to today, I haven;t binged too badly in a while, and latley I;ve had the stomach flu, so hopefully when i get cured I can eat healthy again.

Oh.. I am sorry... I have the same problem, but I am fighting it and so far I am successful :<br />
My advice is to tell your parents. Mine found out by a mistake, but they are really supportive although that can't understand how difficult it is to stop once you're started. My mom was the one who made me to go online and find a forum.. Until three hours ago I was terrified to check on my own, because I was afraid of what I might find. But now I am grateful to her, I think I can manage it easier now with this group helping me on my way. So yes, tell someone. If not your parents, than a friend, or your bf. You need all the support you can get to heal from bulimia.

That's such great advice :) Sometimes the difference between those who succeed and those who don't quite get there is simply that - support from others. If they're not supportive at first, don't panic or overreact though (easier said than done...) because it'll more than likely be simply that they've never come across someone bullemic before. Not a problem, they just won't know what to say/do, and may turn a bit stupid for a while about it. No worries, just keep going. It's you that really matters, not them :)

Yes, I agree.. That support certainly changed everything for me. Since the time I posted my comment I have purged only once so far.. and the feeling is great. I stick by my advice and I hope you'll consider it, if you haven't so far :-)

I just Lost my nephew a few days ago to Bulimia! He was only 15! I will tell you, there are NO warning that you will be given before your life is taken! We all thought it would reach a point of do or die, but the die came first and we could no longer do! Please get help, check in somewhere! I wish that i could trun back the clocks and help somehow!

I've had to stop purging because my teeth cannot take anymore damage-I try to eat right & excersice but I do still binge & I've gained ALOT of weight back-I want a healthy lifestyle but I want to have purging as an option still(only for when I binge) Any advice?

I am 18 months into writing a book Titled " Life is 100% Luck " . I am 42 years old, and live in Australia. I consider myself very lucky in life, but I have met 100's of people around the world who have led very unfortunate " Unlucky " lives. I am compiling a book on factual information from people who suffer , depression, Physical disabilities, Mental disorders. I have several chapters covering all forms of Bad luck. <br />
In life there are 2 types of luck. Firstly there is 'Brute Luck" This is a very complex and detailed area that required extensive research. The very basic brute luck is determined at birth, these are <br />
<br />
Country of birth<br />
Gender<br />
Sex<br />
Colour<br />
Physically able / disabled<br />
Psychiatric illness<br />
Mental Illness<br />
Addictions<br />
Height <br />
Weight<br />
Physical looks<br />
Intellect<br />
Skills<br />
<br />
I am very interested in getting peoples responses.<br />
<br />
It is quite difficult to detail everything I am writing in my book, as its over 300 pages. I ask you think for a minute about how life is for 6.92 billion people around the world.<br />
There are over 785 million people who don’t know how to read or write , 60 out of every 1000 children born die before the age of 5. There are 51 million people suffering schizophrenia at any one time around the world. Over 850,000 people commit suicide each year due to depression.<br />
There are over 2 million children around the world who were either lured or abducted, and used as sex slaves for sex tourism. Over 225,000 people die from medical malpractice related injuries in a single year. There are 2.5 million children under 15 who have HIV / AIDS. There are 200 million people who suffer from agoraphobia.<br />
<br />
This is only a small sample of factual information. It is impossible to deny that life is not 100% luck. <br />
<br />
I am also detailing a chapter to people who have been jailed wrongly, and who were freed after DNA testing. There are many people who have been incarcerated for over 20 years , before they were freed. I am very interested in hearing from people who dont believe that life is 100% luck, But I am looking for a factual response that provides in depth detail. And most importantly, that your factual response will include all 6.92 billion plus population.<br />
<br />
John

Dude, I fail to see the relevance :( I agree with you, because it's simply chance whether or not you pluck up the courage to write somewhere like here, and it's luck whether you decide to act on any of the advice given - and luck whether that advice was good or bad for your particular situation. But, most of what you've written probably ought to be in a separate story - it's great stuff don't get me wrong, but it's a habit I have myself - replying to others somehow turns into my own writing...

BW's
D9

I wish I could tell my family...some of my friends know, but not many. It's hard. I feel you there. I want to be able to tell them. I just can't.

it is only in the mind

I understand how you feel. I have been bulimic throughout most of my highschool life. I have extreme pressure in my family and my mother is VERY overbearing. I b/p because of stress, and the feeling of getting it out of my stomach is a relief. And i dont know the dinamics between the two of you, but you need to get rid of the boyfriend. If he can't support you to do something better for yourself and that is lifethreatening you don't need to be with him. Bulimia is an emotional disorder and you need positive help to get through it. I don't know how I'm going to get through it either, it is damaging and in the longterm will cause serious issues to the body. :( but good luck!

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental disorder...please get help. Seek out a professional who treats individuals with eating disorders. You will be challenged and you will have to work really hard but the benefits you receive will be life altering - allowing you to more fully enjoy yourself , others and your time here (your life!). <br />
<br />
Your addiction will always be a struggle but unless you find ways to cope with it successfully now you will have much more difficulty the longer you continue your behavior. I saw my beautiful daughter through 3 years of therapy with her eating disorder which started at 15, she is now 20. Although she still struggles and likley always will, she is now armed with tools/techniques for helping her find perspective which allow her to receive joy and love in her life. <br />
<br />
Be kind to yourself and reach out to someone who can give you the help you deserve!

Hi my lady, although I can not say what you feel, I know what others see and feel for you. Most will say nothing, feeling embarrassed at the way you loose weight. They will smile at you and you will see them grimace as they talk. Perhaps you will take this as a sign that you are fat. Nothing could be further from the truth.<br />
<br />
They will see you quietly fading into obscurity, you will see their faces and interpret it as an admission that you are fat. WRONG! They see you fading into a skeleton. The thing is that they are too polite to say that you have a problem.<br />
<br />
By the time that someone does get over their politeness it is too late. You believe that you are fat at 45kg. The rest is history.<br />
<br />
You are beautiful, regardless of your weight! The trick is to find the weight that is right for your height.<br />
<br />
Ask any pilot what he does when he feels that he should keep going straight when the gauges say he is spiraling out of control in a cloud. Believe me, he will not be happy relying on the gauges in front of him. The thing is, if he does not go with the instruments he will die. The problem is he will also kill the passengers and those that his plane takes out in the process of finding land!!<br />
<br />
Stop being selfish and get help

Hi my lady, although I can not say what you feel, I know what others see and feel for you. Most will say nothing, feeling embarrassed at the way you loose weight. They will smile at you and you will see them grimace as they talk. Perhaps you will take this as a sign that you are fat. Nothing could be further from the truth.<br />
<br />
They will see you quietly fading into obscurity, you will see their faces and interpret it as an admission that you are fat. WRONG! They see you fading into a skeleton. The thing is that they are too polite to say that you have a problem.<br />
<br />
By the time that someone does get over their politeness it is too late. You believe that you are fat at 45kg. The rest is history.<br />
<br />
You are beautiful, regardless of your weight! The trick is to find the weight that is right for your height.<br />
<br />
Ask any pilot what he does when he feels that he should keep going straight when the gauges say he is spiraling out of control in a cloud. Believe me, he will not be happy relying on the gauges in front of him. The thing is, if he does not go with the instruments he will die. The problem is he will also kill the passengers and those that his plane takes out in the process of finding land!!<br />
<br />
Stop being selfish and get help

The reason that Bulimia is so addictive is because throwing up triggers the release of endorphins and serotonin. It is hard to break this cycle. I believe you can.

So many people on here say "Girl, stop throwing up, tell your family, distract yourself, it's bad for you, it doesn't work". They don't understand you can't just stop, you can't just say "oh ok, I'll be healthy and won't eat again". It doesn't work like that. It's like there's another person living inside your head telling you to eat this, buy this food, sit down, and finish everything. Eat 3 packets of biscuits and a cheesecake. And when you've finished, it forces this wave of guilt to flush over you making you run to the toilet in disgrace, to put your fingers as far down your throat until everything you've gorged yourself with has come up. Throw-up until your mascara leaks down your face, and your eyes go red, your nose starts to leak and your hands start to shake. And when thats over, lift up your shirt and admire your stomach and how it doesn't bulge anymore. If your lucky enough, and only enough, the voice inside your head will look at your reflection and your stuck looking at your self in the mirror for 30 minutes, critisizing every little bump on your body. Then paranioa sets in, and you run to your bedroom to down 7 diet pills and a laxitive if you think you haven't gotten rid of all the food. The little voice inside your head won't give up until you feed it, and then it will bully you for the rest of the day, taunting you as to why fatty has to eat so much, until you try and starve yourself, try and gain control but end up breaking down the next day and eating as much as you can. And then the cycle repeats it's self.<br />
<br />
So no, it's not just a thing people with bulimia do, it's not something you can "give up". It's something that needs to be worked on. In time people get better, the voice inside dies down, but sometimes it does rise to the surface when your weak from a bad break-up or a death in the family. Just remember to always be strong, no matter what. It's not hard to beat, but you can beat it in the end. You just need to build up your support ba<x>ses first, and then work on telling your family in time. Find a great psychologist and work with her through it. I believe in you!

I feel like you have been spying on me, you couldn't have described it better. I know that people have good intentions but until you have suffered with it or at least have educated yourself on the nature of the disease you really can't understand. We know the risks...I feel like a complete effing idiot every day because I know how bad it is, and every time I say it's the last time...but then the next day the ED is tapping on my shoulder, gnawing at my brain until I listen to it. It's horrible.

please try hard to save yourself because i had bulimia and when i dd my doctor told me something very interesting: BULIMIA DOES NOT DO ANYTHING TO LOSE WEIGHT so please im begging you get help before your problem becomes more serious. you'll be happy you did

i wish that i could help you with this.. <br />
but im not bulimic so it's kinda hard.<br />
im just gunna wish you the best of<br />
luck. please be careful. i'll pray<br />
tonight. <3

Bulimia Dangers :<br />
<br />
Insomnia, Anemia, Dental erosion, Ruptured blood vessels in the eyes , Paratoid swelling, Eesophageal tears(leading to hemorraging and then a rupture) Delayed gastric emptying( weakens the immune system and leaves you susceptible to many more viruses) <br />
Chronic diarrhea and/or constipation(forcing some bulimics to have to wear some form of a diaper) Dehydration, Acidosis(Blood gets too acidic), Osteoporosis(Bones become significantly weakened leaving you susceptible to broken bones from just falling out of bed)Bradycardia(electrolytes become imbalanced. Electrolytes help control your heart's beat among other things, and once they are off balance, your heart rate will suffer)Dysrhythmia(Sudden death from too low of pottasium levels)Edema(Bloating and water retention)Ulcers(causing burning holes with puss and germs to form)Amenorrhea(mess up their hormones) Metabolic problems, Hypocalcemia, Hypokalemia, dry skin, Brittle nails, Urinary tract infections, Loss of potassium, Chronic sore throat.<br />
<br />
*Hope these will open your eyes, good luck and wishing you all the best! ~C

i understand your struggle completely. the only way i can stop myself from purging is not eating but thats not possible. i have an addiction to food. i think about it constantly. and i hate it because of the control it has over me, normal people dont think like this i just wish i was like everyone else. i may as well marry the toilet cause i cant see myself stopping anytime soon

My best friend was bulimic for years, and it almost killed her. Be careful and try to quit.<br />
Love and support.<br />
Artemis17

http://www.ultimate-brain.com<br />
<br />
this is the site that i used to help me<br />
<br />
a really good one<br />
<br />
controls my cravings and B/Pes

Don't do this on your own! You cant I promise you that, I am sure there are people out there that want to help you! There’s tone of people who commented, they definitely care too, and I just want to say I am praying for you and all who are struggling from this. I know that sounds weird but I am being sincere, promise, I don’t know any of you but I do care, and I know God dose too.

hi<br />
<br />
are you doing any better?<br />
i aswell had ana then bulimia for 7 years<br />
<br />
i know how hard it sucks<br />
<br />
i got help by a really good coach <br />
<br />
he coached me over skype and gave me some binaural frequencies as well to control cravings and binges<br />
he also gave my hypnotherapy<br />
<br />
such a luck that i found him,<br />
<br />
<br />
maybe it helps you as it helped me?

hello, I have been bulimic for 5 years and I truely know how hard it is. No-one that isnt bulimic will understand just how much this effects us all. I struggle and I'm not strong enough to stop. I purge everyday. I also got involved with drugs and suffer frm depression at times. I ruined a relationship because of my habits. My life basically fell apart. We all shouldnt listen to ppls negative comments bt yeah they effect me n make me worse. I'm also very paranoid about anyone looking at me. if ur strong enough u should seek help! Its the only way before more lies start and secrets being kept frm others :) i u need to talk then feel free to mail me x

There is a herbal cure for every disease <br />
Wessel<br />
0793415422<br />
lucky777@telkomsa.net<br />
luckyamelia@gmail.com