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Living In My Shoes...

Hi, I have been bulimic for about 3 years now. I am in college now and I know it is out of control... I am going to start from the beginning. Growing up my mother would always measure me, she would put tabs on me to weather I gained weight or lost it. When I was 10 I gained alot of weight unexplainably, and since then she tried to get me to lose it. It even got to the point where she offered to pay me to reach my goal weight. I was placed in weight watchers as a seventh grader, and seriously it was all I had known. I never fully lost the weight until I started throwing up after my meals. I got to lose 15 pounds and my mother began to praise me for it. I developed this image in my mind of a perfect thin beautiful teenage girl that I wanted to be. Every time I reached a weight goal, I felt like it was never enough and that I needed another one. I became obsessed with the scale and my weight and every time I looked in the mirror I would see myself, not beautiful, but fat and ugly I want to recover but i have no idea where to start, no one knows about this, I have no idea how I managed to hide it for so long, but I want to be able to get out of it without having to tell anyone. I wouldn't be able to stand my family and friends looking at me differently (because I know they would if they found out) if anyone is reading this, please... If you can offer any advice, any at all, maybe even a shout out to know that I am not alone in this.
Nuncamas Nuncamas 19-21 6 Responses Feb 13, 2008

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You're definatley not alone! My mother was never as pushy as yours, but I have grown up with her constantly on diet and trying to lose weight. She also always likes to comment when I have lost or gained weight. I remember standing on the beach (in a bikini) with her once when I was about 17 and her turning round to me and saying " Wow - you've put on a bit of weight". I almost cried right then and there.I love my mum and I don't think she even realises how much of an impact it had on me. Well clearly she doesn't because she hasn't a clue about my bulimia. But what I am really trying to say is - I get it. And you are not alone in the slightest. I may not have any great advice (as I am pretty much in the same position), but I hope you feel comforted by knowing you are not the only one! xxxx

you're not alone and i wish i could tell you to go talk to your mother about this.... i have a mother as well obsessed with my weight and i am terrified of telling her. so many times it has been on the tip of my tongue and then it never comes out.

i know what you mean about everyone judging you or looking at you differently... that is my fear and i wish i could end this on my own accord but the many time si have tried it has failed. you are not alone at all i understand

It's so saddening to hear of all this and yet, I understnad how you feel. It was shocking to hear that you could lose your teeth by throwing up so much. I have no idea what you need but I send you my caring.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE....My eating issues are compounded by other things I have going on in my life but the bulimia has been going on for years. I stop for awhile, then I gain weight....get depressed...then the purging starts again. I have been purging consistantly for the past 6 weeks and i have lost 30 pounds. I am, for the first time, feeling a little out of control. Ugh.. no advice from me.. just ((hugs)) to you.

you're not alone :D

i'm young and battling as well.

no1 in my small rural school understands my issues.

i'm here for you :D

the first step which not even i have conquered is seeing your self as beautiful.

(((hugs)))

you are so not alone, there are more of us here- than would even like to admit having this "problem". i've kept it hidden too. 6 and a half years, fighting with myself not to because i know it's not healthy, but fighting with the idea of weight as well.

i am not in recovery, but someday i hope to be.

i hope you find the answers you are looking for, our stories are suprisingly similar...

take care.