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My 13 Year Battle With This Horrific Disease

My name is Veronica. I am 33 yrs old & ive been forcing myself to throw up for 13 years. I look like an average size. Maybe perhaps 15 lbs overweight in my eyes. At first I started vomitting only after big meals and now I vomit after almost all meals. I hate myself after every time I pay a visit to the toilet but its easy to forget after I do it. Last time I went for a physical I've got a clean bill of health. it's weird I know. But now in my head I know it's just a matter of time before something can seriously go wrong. I am the mother of an 11 year old girl. The way I hide my vomiting well I've got it down to a science. I think that someday it will just disappear on its own. Who am I fooling? I'm too proud to go and get help. I look healthy and I make myself believe that I am. but I know 1 day its gonna catch up to me. I'm so lost I don't know what to. Who am I if I cant throw up. My body wouldn't be able to handle that. I know I need to beat this but can I do it alone? What I need to know is if anyone has ever beat this on their own. Please tell me because I really need to know.
Myvictoria00 Myvictoria00 31-35 2 Responses Sep 28, 2011

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I couldn't do it alone, though i tried. Its embarrassing to tell someone at first but courage is important and it gives you an opportunity to become a better person by resisting your pride and following what you know is right. I got counseling and to tell the truth it was helpful but there is only so much advice the world can give. Of coarse i tried many tactics, but they were short-lived. The only thing that has kept me consistent is the most high. Change is always hard work. I cried more in the struggle against bulimia, drugs and alcohol then any other time. took 2 years. Im young but the confidence and courage God gives is insurmountable.

Believe me when I say - You are not healthy emotionally or physically. If a doctor doesn't know that you have an eating disorder they do a general exam. There is nothing 'general' about having this disease. Note the word 'disease'. I'm 41 and have had bulimia/anorexia for over 25 years. It took me until the age of 35 to finally get help.. by then my so called healthy body was starting to fall apart. I was anemic, my potassium and salt was off the charts low when I had blood work done. My body was starting to ache and worst of all.. I was on the verge of an emotional break down from hiding my disease for so long. In retrospect, I did have a breakdown. I quit my job, was so anxious and stressed that someone would find out that I started to have panic attacks. I started to drink heavily to calm my nerves. Self medication is not an answer, I found out the hard way. My teeth were rotting out of my head and due to tooth pain, stress and my eating disorder being ramped up to a 10 I started losing a LOT of weight. Doctors didn't know why. My husband took me all over the place for tests that came back negative. Not one doctor asked if I had an eating disorder. BUT, I did tell my husband and went into treatment. I relapsed and went back again and again.. trying different facilities. I found my salvation at Rosewood Ranch in Arizona. Do yourself a favor and make the call. They helped me save my own life. I've been sober for 3 1/2 years and at a normal weigh for over 2. I still have a few slips here and there but I pick myself up and get right back on track. Be good to yourself and do the same.. there is help. Please ask. If I can stay sober and maintain a healthy weight after being a walking skeleton and emotional wreck for 25 years, you can find peace too.