I Just Can't Stop...

When I was 10, my parents would tell me that I"m fat and not to eat that much. Thats when the whole bulimia thing started. I remember going to my grandpas house and puking every time I finished eating. I was young at that time and kept on telling myself that I'm not bulimic and I still tell myself that. I would just tell myself its a temporary thing. But as years go buy it went worse, I"m 13 now and I puke 2 times a day. I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of feeling emotional and depressed all the time. Binging on chocolates and candies and feelign horrible about it then puking it all out. I told one of my friends and she told everyone. And now everything I do and eat at school is being judged by everyone. If i skip lunch they would tease me about it. When i first started it, I lost 10 pounds and i went a dress size down. My mum was giving me compliments and I felt so happy. BUt after that I realized it just made me feel worse and I didn't loose any weight. I know being bulimic isn't helping me and its making everythign worse but I just can't stop cuz I know when I do stop, I'll start gaining weight and I"ll be fat. My friends tell me that I"m not fat but they have to cuz there my friends. I"m just so sick of everything, I'm tired and depressed and I want all of this to stop...
kirstenlily kirstenlily
13-15, F
1 Response Mar 14, 2012

Hey I just read your post and wanted to let you know that it can stop. I was bulimic for the longest time and have have stopped purging for the last 15 yrs. The first 2 weeks are the hardest. The important thing you may have to accept as you begin to get better is the weight gain. It was an important part of the recovery process when you realize that life goes on and in time you become less weight obsessed. Sure I care about my weight but I knew I had to deal with one thing at a time, and the first thing is to beat bulimia. I could tackle the weight gain later in a healthier way.<br />
And also when I realized that the purging is not an option, eating everything i want to eat is not an option, I still eat things I love just not all in one day, I save them for tomorrow.<br />
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Try to find savoury food you love, for me, cookies/chocolates/candies/cakes make me binge badly so I avoid them if I can. I eat as much as I want now savoury food i.e esp for lunch, dinner is very very light (thin soup or hot tea) or nothing at all. <br />
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Write to me if you need advice or moral support. Cheers. :)