Really Went Back Downhill

I'm 23 and I'm bulimic. I started throwing up at 19 but had self image problems way before then. I had stopped throwing up at 21, I was 92 lbs and thought I was a perfect weight, I realized I needed help. I went to a doctor and a personal trainer. I stopped throwing up for 2 years almost completely. Recently I relapsed, I never went through a program or anything to deal with the problem in my head so I headed to an outpatient program. They told me my insurance wouldn't accept me because I wasn't a severe enough case. I think the rebel in my head caused me to REALLY relapse after that, "You want severe? I'm gonna show you severe" I tried to demolish this thought while trying to get into the program by other means but it won over the rationality that I may as well just give up and throw up. I know it's not okay but being 105/106 for the first time in years (im 5'3) has been really hard for me. My ex used to be there for me but stopped answering my calls...I'm okay with this because I'm better without him but I needed to talk. I went out for drinks last night and ended up trying to hurl again, my body kept telling me NO. Now I'm hungover, and being that I have had a problem with panic attacks with last year, am not too excited about work later. I know I can use the tactics I have to deal with it and that I'm in a safe environment but I called my ex and texted like literally 20 times last night and I feel like a fool. I needed to talk.
That's adding some stress.
Well thanks for listening guys
bmurr89 bmurr89
1 Response Mar 25, 2012

I am concerned with your health. I am glad you managed to not do it for two years but why did you relapse?

My weight hit 106 :/