I Can't Escape It....

I've been struggling with eating disorders for just over 3 years now.....it started out as anorexia the first year and became bulimia 2 years ago. I have tried so hard to stop but I always end up back in the bathroom, leaning over the toilet with my finger down my throat. I told my friends and family about a year ago but I think they have given up on me. I have become better at doing it and lying about it because I feel like everyone is sick of hearing about it and they don't understand how difficult it is to stop. It got to the point I was bingeing and purging up to 5 times a day and I looked at picture one day and that's when I realized how much hair I had lost. So I quit for awhile, but have fallen deep into it again. It's to the point that I'm experiencing chest pains and I tell people it's just heartburn. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about it and he doesn't know how to react or what to say and my biggest worry is my bulimia ruining our relationship. I honestly don't know if there is a way out of it, it's all I think about. I had the best day today but then when it comes to the end of the day I realize that I'm still f*cked up......
Nascarneen8 Nascarneen8
22-25
2 Responses May 11, 2012

I haven't had a sustained bulimic phase for a while now but I completely understand your concerns about it affecting your relationship. My boyfriend is very temperamental and though he initially tried to understand he's now getting tired of me bringing it up and using it to justify insecurities in the relationship. He's stuck by me but I would say that it has affected our relationship and pushed him to do some hurtful things. I've come to realise that I can't keep letting that happen and expecting so much of him. Guys generally are not as good as expressing their emotions as we are and anyone, guy or girl, who hasn't experienced an eating disorder first hand won't come close to understanding how much it dominates your life. I've recently confessed to numerous friends and none of them give me time over it either - this is a good place for people like us to find others who can actually relate.

Hi, your story sounds so familiar to mine. Two years ago I finally explained to my bf of 2yrs (at that time) how intense my bulimia was and he was completely shocked. I felt better that I told him but his first reaction was the ultimatum. As time passed he realized that it wasn't that easy for me to just pick him or e.d. But one thing I can tell you is, its better to lay all the cards on the table now so hopefully he would understand and become a support system for you. Believe me I know what your going through cause I'm still going through it. Were still together now, and having him when you feel others have given up, will keep you from feeling like your not fighting this alone. Wish you the best:)