I Don't Know If I've Earned The Right To Be Here.....

About half way through highschool i began making myself sick so as not to gain weight after eating but, this was very much on and off. It wasn't regular or extended. I also starved myself to lose, i did this 'successfully', losing three stone in one summer. I have always binged.

I noticed purging episodes becoming more prolonged in the past five years however, it was still infrequent.
More recently, over the last 6months, I have purged more and more regulary

Its only been, i think, a real issue for the past three months. First it was a couple times a week and at the moment it can be up to ten times a day.

I feel so pathetic coming on here and sharing this after only really having it 'bad' for three months.
I have begun to exercise obsessivly too - there hasn't been one day in the past 3weeks that i havent purged.

No ones really knows, i told my boyfriend but he hasnt taken it seriously so now i hide it from him too. I asked on another forum whether i should go to a group session for bulimia and they replied by saying 'you'd obviously get laughed out of the place, its only been 3months!!! Thats nothing, why dont you just stop it yourself, please yourself do whatever'.

So now i don't feel like i can go.

Other feelings: I kind of want this??? what the hell is that about?
My hands are cut from purging and my body aches, i get bad stomach pains
I am more satisfied binging and purging, because other wise i just restrict and get scared to eat anything and i exercise a lot.
The other thing is i also purge my safe foods after a normal meal.

Samphire <3
samphire samphire
4 Responses May 21, 2012

If you want help, get it

Yes, ten times a day is very serious. <br />
I also at my worst never exceeded 3 times a day. You deserve to get help no matter how long it has been going on. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

3 months is long enough to possibly kill you. I've been to group meetings. No one will laugh at you. I can guarantee it. Yeah there will always be ****** up people in life, but I strongly advise you to do what feels right for you. I can also say that binging and purging 10 times a day is very serious. I have been battling with bulimia for about 3 years and I've never exceeded 3 times a day. Eating disorders aren't cookie cutter. They are all unique to each individual they consume. I don't know what your relationship with your parents is like but I will say the best thing I ever did was own up to my mom about it. She is my greatest outlet and biggest source of support. Yoga was also a great way to let out the emotional baggage without the competitive aspect of most other exercise options. It helps me tremendously! Good luck sweetie :)

I've never personally suffered from anorexia or bulimia but my partner suffered for 5 years and got so ill he couldn't even do anything. <br />
<br />
I don't think anyone would ever turn you away or laugh at you for seeking help. Bulimia is serious and you need all the support you can get. I think you're great for recognising that you need help.<br />
<br />
Anyway sorry, I hope you don't think I'm sticking my nose in or that I shouldn't be commenting here, but after everything my partner went through I find it horrible thinking that there are others out there going through the same thing xx