It's Been 5 Years...

Hell, I'm a 17 year old girl and I've been making myself puke since 5 years. 

I know this isn't right, I know it can severely damage my body, I knew it before I even started to try to "purge". But I still do it almost once a day.

The thing is that since I'm a little girl, my mum has been telling me that I'm fat, I never get any compliment from her or  from anyone in my family. It makes me sad. Besides, I live in a Muslim family which doesn't know that I don't believe in any God. But, I have to live with their rules. I've never been fully happy, I always felt trapped, like if I couldn't control anything. So, I started to look for thing that would help me. I couldn't simply stop to eat, I have to share all my meals with my whole family. So, I tried to make myself puke. I took me a week to succeed, now I wish that I gave up. I have issues: I can't run, I have several bronchitis (around 4 or 5 a year), I have insomnia, stomach cramps, headaches,...

I can't stop. I tried many times but then, I feel depressed badly and I'm stressed out, I'm angry at everybody, I feel like s**t. Purging help me to get through every hard step of my life. This year, I have an important exam (I'm french, it's called baccalauréat) and my purging have increased. 

I can't help it. I'm sorry if I bothered you, but I needed to tell someone, even some strangers on the net. I feel so lonely, helpless, sad. 

Thank you. Sophia.
csophia123 csophia123
May 25, 2012