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At The End Of The Line.....

Im 26 years old and have had bulimia since I was 14.....What I have noticed as of late is that its getting REALLY bad... I think it must have something to do with the fact that Im studying at the moment and stress levels (?) Im now eating DISGUSTING amounts of food and having purging sessions about ten times a day..... today is not the first time that the toilet bowl has had a heap of blood in it.... so Im freaking out.... I think I might have seriously screwed up something in my stomach cause it honest to GOD feels like its ripped.

The weird thing about all this is that I know for a fact that its not good for me, I know that I dont want to eat the food or throw it up, but its almost like Im barely aware that Im doing it....once I start I go onto this weird zone. Whats even worse than that is the fact that in the times where I have managed to stop b/p I lose weight, ( usually to 57.5 kgs) yet when this cycle starts I can be 62 kgs. Not that that is bad... its still healthy but why the hell am I doing something that destroys me and makes me fatter??? FFS.... I have booked an appointment with a clinical psychologist for this FRiday coming... everytime I try to talk to my friends about it they tell me Im too skinny and that I should put on weight.... what they dont realise is that the only reason I do put it on is cause Im b/p.
Is there ANYONE else out there who wants to try stop it? cause im so over it.... and its fuckn scary throwing up blood.
amybatchelor1 amybatchelor1 26-30 2 Responses May 26, 2012

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I understand how it feels to be bulimic too, but if you are at the point of vomiting blood, you should go to the hospital. I'm here if you want to talk.

Hi Amy, Reading your story sounded just like me. I to am 26 yrs old and have had a addiction to food since i was a teenager. My vomiting didn't start until I was 21 and had a relationship breakdown. Like you I lose complete control once the cycle starts. I know that fight with yourself that you don't want the food, hardly even taste it but it is like a hypnosis and before you notice it is out of control. It does concern me you are at the point of vomiting blood. I wish I could offer you more help except that i know how you feel and you are not alone. What measures are you taking to overcome this? I am at an end point I don;t know where to start to stop the cycle. I'm sure we are both strong women and we can overcome this. Lets do it together.