Mindless Bingeing

Ever since I was a little girl, I loved food. At the age of 6, I ate more than any of my brothers and sisters; as a result, my father would take it in a bad way when I wouldn't eat everything in my plate, or when I simply said I wasn't hungry at dinner time, so he made me eat even though I didn't want to... and, since I was eating without hunger, I ended up eating a double portion. 
I was a bit chubby as a child, and that went on until I reached puberty. That's when I started to be counscious about my state. I lost weight when I moved to my sister's house, where we would eat only one meal a day, and fruits as a snack. 
My step-brother passed away, and that made my emotions get out of control. I ate in excess again, and, of course, gained weight. When I turned 14 I met a boy online, and I wanted to be thinner so that I would be more attractive when he saw me in real life... and I did accomplish this, but not in a good way... I got anorexic. I would eat 500kcal at the most for one month, and went from 130lbs to an astonishing 100lbs. I was getting out of control... I was afraid to get overweight if I ate more than I did, and I also was afraid I would die of malnutrition if I continued with that diet. So I finally decided to eat more... but again, I ate exceededly. Now I am 15 and suffer bulimia... I am conscious of the risks I put myself into, yet I can't control it... I skip breakfast, eat a very small lunch, and then, in the afternoon, I give in to the temptation to binge. I need help, I want to stop this!
Kurono Kurono
13-15, F
1 Response May 27, 2012

I completely understand, I became bulimic at 14. Trust me, the best thing you can do is see a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. If you are scared to go alone, tell someone that you trust about your problem. I'm here if you want to talk.