Too Fat To Be Bulimic (may Be Triggering)

My stepmother told me this.
My dad.
My first therapist.
I didn't know WHAT was wrong with me.
all I knew is I was terrified of putting on weight.
I don't remember stopping eating, and I don't remember when I started making myself throw up.
It turned into almost a way to cope.
Your boyfriend cheated?
You're too fat, go throw up.
Sister gets into a fight with you?
She knows she's skinner. Go throw up.
And sometimes, I feel like I can't control myself. I go days without eating anything.
It makes me feel great but I also feel guilty because I'm hiding it.
And then, I just stuff and stuff and puke and puke and cry.
Everything I eat I feel awful.
Everyday I feel like I'm getting fatter and fatter.
mom says I'm loosing weight, stepmom says I'm not eating things i used to love.
I don't know anymore. I don't see it. I see more fat choking my thighs and my belly and my butt and I just cry.
My new therapist says I have "bulimic tendencies" but he doesn't really tell me exactly what that means.
I'm just stuck and confused and I want to know...
is there anyone like me? What am I?
Call me B.