I Have A Problem.

I'm Tia. I'm 15 years old and obsessed with my weight. I've always been called "the fat girl" or the "ugly one." I don't want to be fat and ugly. I want to be thin. Thin is pretty. Thin is fun. Thin is likable. Thin is happiness. I HATE being fat. And I'm short, so my body looks...not proportional. I think I look like a whale. Ugly and huge. My friends always tell me I'm "beautiful" or "talented" or "skinny." Like, no. I'm 139 pounds and I can't stand to look at myself. I'm ashamed of my body. Every night I stay up for hours just working out trying to push the weight out. Working out until I can see the sun. Then I rest. I wake up sore and I know it's helping. If I'm sore, my muscles are working. If my muscles are working, my weight is dropping. I try to lose 5-10 pounds every week. But my body is difficult, so I have to work 5x harder just to drop ONE. I starve myself, swallow pills, and vomit my problems. I cry all the time because I know I'll never be pretty. I don't want to LOSE weight, I want to GET RID OF IT. I have no intention of getting it back. I'm going to push until my thighs don't touch anymore. So far, I'm already able to see my hip bones and ribs. But I'm not done yet. Not even close.
TiaaMarie TiaaMarie
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 5, 2012

Yes, I know from experience, it will never be good enough. This is only going to bring you pain. Mentally and emotionally exhaust you, ruin your teeth, and waste what could be some of the best years of your life. Please search on the Internet for a psychiatrist specializing in eating disorders and get help. I know that is a scary thought because you are so young and it's hard to talk to a stranger about your problems, but it's what I wish I had done at your age. I am here if you want to talk.

Being thin is not fun. Because you will never be thin enough in your mind so you will never be satisfied. Stop now because I promise you you will regret it so much one day.