Please Take The Time To Read My Story.

I dont even know where to begin really..for sixteen years i have been used,bullied,abused,tortured,scared,upset,depressed,ridiculed,uncomfortable and unhappy. I honesty with everything in me dont think there has been one day that i have been happy.. that somebody hasnt critisized my weight,where i feel comfortable enough to walk outside of the four walls that are my bedroom. I have never worn a pair of shorts in public or swam in a swimming pool.I have never played a sport or went to any kind of event where a dress or skirt is required. I have maybe been outside of my house three of four times during the summer because im too ashamed for people to see what i look like and too self concious to wear clothers that are weather appropriate. I have had people physically asault me,vandalize my home,use me and mislead me to believing they were friends,ive had raps,songs,websites,poems made about me because of my weight. And the sad part is .. im not even obese i just have about 40 pounds i need to loose to look like one of the girls who makes fun of my weight,is on the cheerleading team and has all the boys obsessed with her body. My own family is even tormenting my weight. Even though i was a bigger individual i always had alot of "friends" ..or so i thought.. i still dont know what those people were. Lately my depression had increased to the point where my social skills are non existant. THIS IS ROCK BOTTOM. I am uncomfortable to be around people and people have no interest in me. Now the only friend i have is myself and i dont even like myself. I suffer from add,ocd,depression,anxiety and bipolar disorder. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. Joining a gym, going on multiple diets,getting a physical trainer, a nutritionist but i just go deeper and deeper into depression when i have to reduce my eating habits. The only thing left for me is bulimia. I know the lectures im going to get from writing this blog with be uncanning. I know the ignorence behind my words are visible. But if i dont do this, if i dont change and take advantage of this last option my depression will takeover and i will kill myself. I cant live like this anymore. I know in my heart i deserve better then this life and i know everyone will forgive me if i become bulimic. I know that i will be happier and be a better person, people will be proud of the person i become once im skinnier and more comfortable with myself. This is the most honest i have ever been in my whole entire life.So i ask everyone for their advice on eating disorders instead of their opinion. Please understand that life cannot get ANY worse for me .. this eating disorder will only make it better. or finish me off.please help
My Email : pinkcheetahx0h
pinkcheetahx0h pinkcheetahx0h
18-21
Sep 8, 2012