It Finally Caught Up To Me..

For about a year I've been bulimic. And almost proud of it. I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want to and never gain any weight. My goal is to be 110-115 lbs, and I weigh 145 right now, losing a total of 55 lbs with bulimia. This past month or so I've really been struggling with my image.. I'm insecure and jealous and it's really started to affect my relationships. And about two weeks ago I was throwing up about 2-3 times daily for an hour at a time. Getting sick had never been extremely strenuous for me; it took about 10 minutes to get rid of a meal.. But the more I threw up consecutively, it became more difficult to gag and just generated a surplus of mucus and dread of not getting everything up. Of course the more I couldn't get sick the harder I would try.. Using three fingers instead of two, stopping my breathing for a minute to gag from suffocation, forcing myself to cough or think about terrible awful things just to make myself sick... And this would last over an hour each time...

So this weekend I really started noticing the pain in my mouth and throat. My neck feels swollen and tender, it hurts to swallow and even talk.. The first time I actually looked down my throat was when it fully hit me. There are ulcers on my tongue and spreading to the inside of my lips, and my throat is white and red and looks really infected and it looks like those horrible pictures on google images that people show you when they're trying to convince you out of bulimia.

I guess it finally caught up to me....
ChasingPerfection ChasingPerfection
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 17, 2012

oh :( that sounds bad I am bulimic and if I eat I purge everything I eat I don't hold anything down is your pee almost brown??? and do you also get acne around your mouth and chin area......my friend told me its because of my bulimia but i don't know i purge 2 to 3 times a day also it sucks I have ulcers on the roof of my mouth i cut my nails really short so i don't get scratches

Within a week of only purging once or twice, my white throat and ulcers have cleared up..
As for the other symptoms, no, my urine is pretty normal colored and I suppose I do get some acne around my mouth and chin, but it's not bad really.. So I'm not sure if that's caused from bulimia or not. I also keep my nails really short, it helps a bunch :)

:) yeah I'm sure I just get super dehydrated and that's why I don't have acne hardly ever until now so it makes me think thats why

sorry to hear about that stuff. Hang in there. I am always worrying about things like that but i suppose i havent had anything happen to me yet because i have periods of control where i am able to not vomit for a few days at a time. I do have times when i know its way too much though, thats when its hard for me to gag myself.

I think that your method of having periods of control is almost necessary for me... I love food, and work at a pizzeria that serves almost all of my favorite foods, wings, pizza of course, steak salads, pepperoni rolls... It's also a convenient store with chips and candy bars. So I'm sure you can imagine how much control someone would have to have to be surrounded by those things for hours each day. I've recently started the onion/cabbage soup diet to hopefully get a better grip on my eating habits.