Scared

Hello
well to be honest my story is not very complicated, I went through so many changes in life and ended up eating and not thinking about what might happen to me and about how much weight I might gain, and for two years now, I have been trying to lose all the weight I have gained and Trust me I have tried everything! from working out in the gym... to diets and fasting and just almost dying of hunger! I'm 17 years old and all I can think about is how skinny my friends are and how bad I feel when I'm the only one who is over weight, anyways about a year ago I started forcing myself to through up everything I eat, seriously and its like every time I take a bite, its like all I can think about is the fact that I am going to throw it up in 5 mins, and in case I didn't throw it up I end up feeling bad all day long, the problem is that people are telling me you should talk to family member about this and that, but I'm sure that my family won't look at this as something to help with, they would blame me for doing it and end up watching me 24 hours a day and end up making this thing a lot worse, its hard because it feels like I have no one to talk to about this, and it seriously feel like its getting out of control, I'm scared that if this keeps Happening I wont be able to stop.
code95 code95
22-25, F
4 Responses Nov 27, 2012

Im 18 and feel the same way... I really want to weigh 100 pounds or less, then maybe people will actually think i am beautiful.. if you ever need someone to talk to i am here for you.

I think about that almost all the time, like I Have to look a certain way so people would call me beautiful, and even if they do I won't believe them, I understand how you feel, and I would love to talk to you about it :)

Hi code95:

I am in your corner, you can do this: Try to think of what positive things in your life have made you the happiest, and do those things if possible: YEY DISTRACTIONS! Do you have any hobbies?

I recommend strongly the book called "THE FEELING GOOD HANDBOOK" by Dr. David Burns. It is a book that helps me to gain more understanding of my stressors and triggers, and helps you to build better coping mechanisms by teaching you about the concept of cognitive behavioral therapy. It sounds complicated, but it is straight forward and it works. And it doesn't have the word "Buliemia" all over the cover so your friends and family don't have to know yet if you aren't ready for them to know.

If the counsellor at school is a bad idea, how about seeking out one at a youth dropin clinic? There's huge benefits of saying the words out loud to someone you feel like you can trust. I send you love and courage :)

I am willing to try and talk to someone about it, and I would love to read this book, actually I have been looking for a helpful book for sometime now, I am very thankful for your comment, it lifted up my spirits, that I can actually do this and try and recover from it all :) I am going to try and seek some help, from a close friend who offered to help, so wish me luck <33

I think what is best is to tell a friend first so you know theres someone who wont judge you but will still be looking out for you, and they wont tell your parents if your not ready to yet. and you can discuss the next step from there together, i promise once youve told someone it will be so much better, if you have any problems or just wanna talk to someone (i know its a lot easier when you dont know them and not face to face) just send me a message xoxoxox

I would love to have someone who I can simply talk to you know
thank you this means a lot to me ;)
xoxo

I promise, the best thing to do is to get help. I told myself for years i could fix it alone, any i am still telling myself that and i am still in the same position i was in 7 years ago. Seek out a counselor at school if you do not want to talk to your family yet

I really wish I could you know? but even trying to seek a counselor at school it would only end up being the worse thing for me, because I know the counselor will end up telling everything to my family, thanks for the advice though :)