It Never Ends

It started when I was fresh out of high school. I was overwieght. At first I started working out so I could lose some weight. I was eating the right foods. Then one day I was so hungry I pig out. I was so mad at myself that I didnt have the self control to not eat the foods that I really wanted to eat. I decided to throw up and pretend that I had not just ate everything that I had just consumed. I felt better. Then it happened again and again. I couldn't control the hungry I had. It become my whole life. I lost 100 pounds. I was 125 pounds when I stopped. I still thought I was so fat. I stopped for a couple years but it was never really gone. It was whisper in my brain. last year I had my thyroid removed and I had gained a lot of wieght. Then I broke up with my partner of 5 years. it has been 6 months since I started again. I feel like I am sprialing out of control again. I am 25 now and I feel like I should have control of my life. Bulimia has such a strong hold of me. I don't know what to do sometimes. When I am out with my friends there are eating a laughing. All that is running through my head is when can I get home to be alone.
noend777 noend777
22-25, M
Dec 3, 2012