I Am Broken

It all started a few years ago. I was sixteen. It should have been the happiest time of my life, but it wasn't. A friend of mine died at the age of 18. He was missed dearly by everyone. That was when I started cutting, stopped eating so much. But then I gained my weight back. So the next year, I lost a lot of weight. Around 30 pounds in a couple of months toward the end of the summer. It was 2010, I was going into my senior year, I wanted to look good. Well, I would chew my food and spit it out. I would never swallow it. Come December, I started eating some, but took metabolism pills a lot. Come February 16, 2011...that was the first day I ever made myself purge. It was the day after my 18th birthday. I did this for a while. Then that April, I got put into a mental hospital...and I HATED it. So I lied myself out of there. I kept getting better from bulimia and then relapsing. Last semester, I started taking laxatives. Then, I stopped for a while. This summer, I was good. So much better. However, this semester, everything just went downhill. I have become extremely depressed and gained too much weight. I've started purging more and cutting more. I've also been taking laxatives again. I am relapsing bad. I know what I'm doing, and I know how bad it is, but I can't stop.
monkeybutt1993 monkeybutt1993
18-21, F
Dec 6, 2012