I Give Up

I give up on ever getting better. Yea, people can make me stop it for a while, but it just, it always comes back,, and it gets so much easier to do each time, so why even stop?
monkeybutt1993 monkeybutt1993
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 10, 2012

hey :)

I just wanted to tell you I've also suffered from bulimia and I know how hard it is to stop. It can always come back and it is almost killing you.

Don't give up !

And there's one advice - You gotta talk !

All the best :)

Why stop? Because you are a beautiful individual and just don't know it yet. I suffered from Bulimia a atbout your age and I am much older now but my heart aches for girls like you. I grew up with a poor body image, a country girl with thick bushy eyebrows, dark long hairs growing on my legs and thighs on white skin and NO ****! I remember eyeing ads for miracle bust creams and dreaming that I could fix my problem. I had a very religious mother who would expect me to accept myself the way God made me. Guess who does not believe in God anymore? I don't think my poor body image came from girlie magazines because I never had access to them in my country home. I do remember, however, sneaking peaks at the father's Playboy magazines pushed down under the cushions in his favourite chair. These girls were not skinny but they did have boobs. I escaped to the city at about the time I was turning 18 and started exercising madly and eating only very specific foods and then eating huge amounts of food, like whole cheesecakes, and then going to the bathroom to bring it all up. I hid this from everyone who knew me. I was in the city of Sydney one day shopping and the next thing I knew I was waking up in hospital where they told me I had passed out and I still had the Vaseline cream I wanted to purchase in my hand. I never found out it if was paid for. They sent me home with no warnings or guidance, just told me I had a low blood sugar episode or something like that. Now, I think I was lucky because at the same time as this was happening I was reading self-help books like Dr Dyer's "Pulling your own strings" etc and I had joined the Natural Health Society which used to send out regular newsletters or something like that so that I soon learned the important connection between eating healthily and having a healthy mind. Mine was not a severe case for sure and I am not sure how I got the confidence to save myself but the trip to the hospital scared me enough I guess. I can now say that I still have no **** and guess what? I don't give a toss. I am so glad I have never changed that cosmetically because I know I would not like myself for that. I have a husband who would not care if I was a AAA instead of the AA that I am. My only regret is that I ever began wearing padded bras because I dont need to wear a bra, except to look better in clothes but I could just choose clothes that look good without a bra. I am a healthy eater and I know how depressed I would feel if I lived on McDonalds or any other take-aways. Think about feeding your insides to make you feel and look better on the outside. If you have some things you don't like about your body, look at ways you can minimise your problems and learn to love yourself and you will be amazed at how that will attract others to you.