I Have An Eating Disorder.I don't know if you'd exactly call it bulimia or anorexia. But something is wrong for sure.
I've tried starving myself. I had limited myself to 200 calories a day at one point. Its an on-and-off sort of thing. It'll dissapear for a while, then creep up on me. And these past few months (yes, I know it's not a very long time compared to most of you.) I've been making myself throw up. I'm so disgusted to admit that... a few years ago, I would think to myself, "How could someone ever make themselves throw up? That's disgusting." But now, I actually like throwing up. And its becoming more regular...
I go into my room, turn on music, and throw up into a bag or trash can. In a sick way, it feels good. I do it to the point where I'm too tired to continue. My hearts beating fast, my throat stings and my stomch churns, I shake a lot, I can hardly breath, my eyes water and my nose runs. I look and I feel absolutely pathetic. It takes a suprising amount of energy to make myself puke. Aftwerwards, I often lay down or sleep. Its quite awful. And the reason why I'm not sure I'd call it bulimia, is because I often only eat a regular amount of food before hand, or don't eat anything at all. I never really 'binge'. Sometimes I just do it when a situation triggers it. Like, if I'm angry or upset. All the sudden I get this overwhelming urge to make myself sick. And once I tickle the back of my throat and feel that first gag.. I feel... comforted, in a way.
Sorry for being so desc
Somedays my body image is good, other days its horrible. Somtimes I think I'm making a big deal out of it, and other times I cry because I'm so scared of what I've become. But I have faith that I'll pull through. Thank you for reading, if anyone ever does.