I Don't Know Myself Without Bulimia

I don't know who I am without my bulimia. I know that's sad and pathetic, but it's my reality. I feel like bulimia is my identity. I'm the girl whose losing weight really quickly. I'm the girl getting more and more attractive. I'm becoming the pretty girl at work, parties, etc.. I'm the girl who men give more attention. Worst of all deep down as crazy as this is I'm the girl who believes if she continues on this path she will finally become loveable, and gain love from someone, anyone.
I weigh myself, eat a ton, puke, exercise (if I have the energy), and sleep a lot because I'm exhausted. The thing is I don't know what my life would be without these habits. I don't know what I'd do with extra energy and not obsessing about my weight. Truthfully a life without this scares me because without this I'd have the time and energy to think and feel more, and my thoughts and feelings terrify me.
amy7777777 amy7777777
22-25, F
2 Responses Jan 8, 2013

Hey... I'm 22, would love to talk... Be there for each other... I know exactly what you are going through...& I really want to experience this with someone. Tired of being alone.

Thank you wjk1849 that response helped me feel better. It also helped me focus on the fact that looks aren't everything, and maybe if someone "loves me" based on looks it's not really the type of love I'm looking for anyhow.