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Recovered?

I just turned 30 last this past December. I started binge eating and purging about 10 years ago. I went to treatment during winter of 2011 for 3 months, relapsed a few months after completing the program.
I have been really well lately however. I slipped last night for the first time in a month.
Super disappointed in myself. Today I am ok, I haven't given up. Im gonna keep trying my best to do all the right things, I think, I was doing for the past month or so.
Im worried because after a month of being in control of it, last night the urge was so incredible. But I think I know why I let it take me. I have been very stressed about money, job, potentially having to quit my job to move, potentially having to loose my horse if I move, unable to get to the gym this week due to money....My boyfriend and I are hit and mis. etc etc etc I just couldn't keep my mind clear and the anxiety took over me. Im not recovered. I realize this. But Im doing better than I was. I just hope to god I don't fall back to the hell I was in. I don't think my body could handle another year of the abuse. And I am 30 years old now. With nothing to show for it. No house of my own. No kids, career, husband, security. All this I am certain a result of my eating disorder. That month of "fresh air" was wonderful. No guilt, more energy, more money...
I can only imagine things could be so great if I just try my best to be strong.
If anyone else reads this and is struggling to quit, my god my heart goes out to all of you.
An Ep User An EP User Feb 11, 2013

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