Recovered?I just turned 30 last this past December. I started binge eating and purging about 10 years ago. I went to treatment during winter of 2011 for 3 months, relapsed a few months after completing the program.
I have been really well lately however. I slipped last night for the first time in a month.
Super disappointed in myself. Today I am ok, I haven't given up. Im gonna keep trying my best to do all the right things, I think, I was doing for the past month or so.
Im worried because after a month of being in control of it, last night the urge was so incredible. But I think I know why I let it take me. I have been very stressed about money, job, potentially having to quit my job to move, potentially having to loose my horse if I move, unable to get to the gym this week due to money....My boyfriend and I are hit and mis. etc etc etc I just couldn't keep my mind clear and the anxiety took over me. Im not recovered. I realize this. But Im doing better than I was. I just hope to god I don't fall back to the hell I was in. I don't think my body could handle another year of the abuse. And I am 30 years old now. With nothing to show for it. No house of my own. No kids, career, husband, security. All this I am certain a result of my eating disorder. That month of "fresh air" was wonderful. No guilt, more energy, more money...
I can only imagine things could be so great if I just try my best to be strong.
If anyone else reads this and is struggling to quit, my god my heart goes out to all of you.