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I Was Ana, Now I Am Mia

I have bulimia, I thre up three times today.  I wish I could control my eating and that I would stop feeling so guilty for eating.  Does anyone else feel this way?  I used to weigh 85 pounds and now i am so much heavier.  I wish I had someone to talk to that understands.
girlkitty79 girlkitty79 26-30, F 32 Responses Jun 9, 2007

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It because after such a long period of restriction, your body takes over, and does what ever is necessary to survive. At least, that is what my dietitian told me.

I have the same problem!!! :( I was ana for about a year but then mia took hold and I can't stop binging and purging!!! :(

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Amazing ED book! I love it and recommend whoever is suffering to read this. It really gets inside the mindset of those suffering. You can get it at the link above.

I'm the exact same! I even used to weigh 85 too. Most people with anorexia develop bulimia because their brain gets sick and tired of never eating and makes you want to binge all the time.

Hey hun!

I can totally relate to the feeling of losing control and being scared of myself. Isn't it funny how weird and contorted our thoughts can be once we put them into writing? Continue to keep in touch with all of us. I'm sorry I called you Mia on my last post (I deleted it).I was completely not even thinking of it as a nickname for bulimia. So embarrassing for me...lol. But anyways, have you considered going to an Overeater's Anonymous group? There format is for eating disorders of all types.

Hi I'm suffering to my mom finally using laxitives but I cant stop plus bone and purge she thinks I'm doing this to get attention!

I can totally relate to this too! I'm 16, and about a year ago, I started starving myself. At first it wasn't to lose weight, I just became so stressed with school and exams that I lost my appetite. I lost a lot of weight and soon starving myself became addictive. It started to get out of control, I became so hungry and I started to binge at the weekends, followed by purging. The binges gradually became longer and more frequent, I started to miss school just so I could binge all day and then purge or overdose on laxatives. My weight ballooned and I started cutting, I stopped leaving the house and tried to kill myself. I tried looking for 'thinspiration' on pro ana websites because I was desperate to lose the weight, but they only made me more depressed and obsessed with food. In August, I was admitted to an adolescent psychiatric hospital where I stayed for four months. It helped me a lot, but now I'm home things have become a struggle again. I have good and bad days, it's really hard.

Please remember that you are not alone. So many people, including myself are going through the same thing. The only way you can get better is for you to want to get better, you can support from other people but ultimately it's your illness and it's up to you to take control of your life, it will be hard work but you can do it.

The thing to do first is make an eating plan, around 1800 calories a day. I know it may be tempting to go on a weight loss diet, but trust me, the weight you've put on will naturally go once you've started a regular eating pattern because you've body's metabolism with adjust. it's really important that there's enough calories in your diet because otherwise you'll get hungry and are more likely to binge, but it's also important that there's not too many calories because feeling too full may cause you to purge. Try eating small regular portions of food throughout the day, e.g.

Breakfast: glass of juice, a bowl of cornflakes (80g) with semi skimmed milk

Morning Snack: Apple

Lunch: Chicken sandwich, a packet of crisps, orange

Afternoon snack: cereal bar

Dinner: chicken breast, two spoons of green beans, four new potatoes, yoghurt

Just try and do what you can manage, don't try and push yourself too far too quickly, be realistic. Try and imagine what you will feel most ok with having in your stomach. Remove all trigger foods (foods that you often binge on) out of the house. Try and eat slowly, take your time and play some relaxing music while you eat. After you've eaten, do something you enjoy e.g. take the dog for a walk, listen to music, watch your favourite film, have a bubble bath, doodle, call a friend, try and distract yourself. If you have something you're worrying about coming up e.g. job interview, exam at school, be aware that this may be a difficult day for you and make sure you know exactly what you'll be eating on that day.

If you do binge or purge, please don't worry, try and stay positive and don't let it go on too long. If you binge, do not restrict the nest day, carry on with the eating plan. If you purge, do not binge, just start again the next day. As time goes on, you'll purge less often and binge less often, you'll feel more comfortable with trying different foods and being relaxed about what you eat. You'll become more aware of triggers, have better knowledge on what bulimia actually is and feel more able to ask for support from others. I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but you WILL get through this.

The next thing I'd suggest is contacting your GP. Telling someone else about your eating disorder is one of the most difficult things to do because it's humiliating and often it's hard to accept that you have a problem. But you are brave enough, and asking for help if the first step towards recovery. There are probably difficult emotions that you've been bottling up for ages, resulting in an eating disorder. Hopefully you'll be offered some kind of therapy.

Try and look towards something good in the future, whether that may be going to college or uni, moving out, learning to drive, going on holiday, seeing an old friend, getting a job you want, anything. Make a bucket list of all the things you want to do before you die, this will encourage you to make a change because you can only live once you'll overcome your battle with bulimia.

Lastly, try and accept yourself. You may not be the weight you want to be, but the most important person who needs to like you is yourself. You are beautiful, it's society that's ugly. One day you'll meet someone who loves you exactly for who you are, without you even having to try, no matter what weight you are. If you respect yourself, and respect you'll body you won't binge or purge, simple as that. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind.

If you ever need to talk to someone who understands, please please please text me on 07703354470.

Good luck and lots of love,

Ella xo

I can totally relate to everything you've written. I was AN for years (diagnosed at 18, inpatient several times between 18 and 21) but a couple of years ago, I started bingeing/purging and my weight went up massively, to the point where people who didn't know me well didn't recognise me or think I was the same person. I hate it so much but I don't know how to stop :/

need someone to talk to, someone who understands.
Bulimic/15 year old/ lost girl.

You an talk to me if you'd like. I'm the exact same

Hi my name is , Briana Lee. I’m a sophomore in college I am 19. I am doing a school Project on Anorexia. AND I NEED YOUR HELP. I am creating a Public Heath Message. This Project is supposed to help girls and women just like you see the struggles Anorexic Women go through. I would like each and every one of you to email me a video saying your name and what anorexia means to you. Feel free to say more if you want. THE MORE THE BETTER. This project may be shown at a convention and maybe if were lucky be picked to win and be shown to help others just like you. YOU CAN HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!. So please email me your STORY video at briibear@gmail.com please title the SUBJECT As ANOREXIA thank you 
YOU DONT NOT HAVE TO BE ANOREXIC TO MAKE A VIDEO IN FACT I NEED HALF ANOREXIC GIRLS AND HALF NOT IT WOULD BE ALSO GREAT IF YOU KNEW SOMEONE OR A FAMILY MEMBER WITH THIS DISEASE . THANK YOU

i really understand u i threw up every day and i cant stop this i wake up and the first thing inmy mind is too eat a lot and threw up!

i anderstend you i have the same>> i hute my self for this.
we can talk :)

ugh you sound just like me I totally binged today didn't eat breakfast but than went to lunch with friends and dinner and than at more when i got home took a shower for an hour puked till I started seeing blood and got blood shot eyes !

I understand, but as I am a sufferer too, I cannot give you good advice.<br />
It hurts me every time I have to throw up but I cannot control my cravings. Its like I have to eat.<br />
I have been told to try keep busy. Maybe you should too, or take a walk if you can when you feel like you want to eat. I have tried keeping busy but sometimes give in, or refuse to go out.<br />
<br />
I hope you have the will power, and I hope you can get through it. Step by step. You can do it.

hey, i can TOTALLY relate to you. i used to be anorexic for a few years, i dropped down to 102 lbs (im 5-7) and then i became bulimic. i have gained much more weight since then. i ******* hate it. ive gone to many treatment centers for this, but they dont seem to stick. i feel so hopelesss. sometimes i feel like i should just go back to being anorexic and everything would be better. im trying so hard to be in recovery now, but it sucks. body image is the last thing to go. i weigh 135 now, and im athletic, but i feel disgusting. and guys totally fuel my eating disorder. im going to fly to chicago to see one i like a lot, and i want to lose all of this weight on me. but i know its not healthy. ugh, i dont know anymore. it really sucks.

I totally understand, I have been at this for over 30 yrs. I have never been more than a few days with out throwing except when I was pregnant. I have been pregnant 7 time 5 live births. My last pregnancy I smoked and threw up alot due to unhappiness and stress. I was so scarred I was hurting the baby but I could help it . I was scared I would gain to much weight. I now way more then I did when I had her. I have alot of stomach and digestive problems due to all this. But I still cant stop. Stopping is really really hard, anything triggers it.

I am 36, a mother of 3 children. I suffer from Bulimia, alcohol bulimia and depression. I have done since I was 16.<br />
<br />
I now understand it is not the food or the calories, it is Emotional and all about Control (or loss of it). <br />
<br />
It has taken me 20 years and lots of counselling to get to this point. <br />
<br />
It is my cancer, it is eating me from the inside. But, I still believe in the fight. I want to get better.

I also wanted to say say, if you need to talk or chat Im here for you!!

I know how you feel. It sucks and I was in the same situation. I used to be ana and I think I am getting over BED. It was pretty hard but recovery is possible :) If you need someone to talk to message me anytime. *Hugs*

Take up your Bible open it Mark 16 and read the verses 17 to 19. Hold it towards heaven, and claim those words of Jesus, and say to Bulimia that you are driving it out of the body in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, and you will find your miracle instantly. Believe what I say :)<br />
<br />
Mark 16:17-19<br />
"And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover. So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God." <br />
<br />
The Devil Has a Plan for Your Life! what is that, read below,<br />
<br />
John 10:10 Jesus said, "The thief (devil) cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they (you) might have life, and that they (you) might have it more abundantly."<br />
<br />
Wishing you all the joy and prosperity. Manoj

10years and counting.... anyone figure it out ..... we are all ears

I'm in the process of fighting against being bulimic. I've done it on and off the past 2 or 3 years. I hate that I exercise and will eat right for months at a time and I'm stll the same weight. I'm so fed up with my belly bulge and I've thrown up about 2 or 3 times a day the past 3 days. Why do we do this to ourselves? I bet your beautiful. People compliment me a lot....if only they knew. I hate the way I look. My size makes me angry....and no matter what kind of compliments I get I still want to weigh 10lbs less

I'm not sure if anyone has commented on this, but in regard to the acid reflux I find zantac or any other anti-acid pill to be affective. Also, try drinking milk or eating any type of dairy product. Trust me, I've had those days where eating seems to be the only way to take my mind off how bad my stomach feels(which probably isn't the best way to solve the problem) but trust me- it'll get better! Your stomach just has to realign itself to healthier eating habits. With excessive purging your stomach is producing more stomach acid to compensate for all the food.. if it's possible, eat more carbs ( I know how scary this can seem) but oatmeal is relatively healthy and has a lot of fiber. This will probably calm your stomach a little and make you guys with upset stomachs feel better!

I'm just like you! Except i don't purge 3 times a day, only once. I don't eat anything all day then when i get home from work i eat everything i can find then purge it. You can then go to bed not as hungry as you would be. <br />
<br />
Stick in there!!!<br />
<br />
Ana's and Mia's stick together xxx

I understand exactly what your talking about. I weigh more than I did when I was young and we constantly have these images on the media telling how we are supposed to look. It is hard to hear the few voices telling us otherwise, I am tired too. I am tired of wanting something my body can't give me. I want to love me. self confidence is the sexiest, most beautiful thing a woman can posses and I want to have some. <br />
<br />
Iwant2LuvMe

I get acid burn to, every day!!! I take quickies to help. Has anyone had the problem of binging and not being able to bring the food back up?? Why is my body doing that to me. I have to spend the rest of the nite with LOTS of food in my stomach!!!! I can spend an hour in the toilet and not getting anywhere!! then I even go back to try again. Y Y Y

yeah i threw up that same number of times too. yes i feel like you do to:(

I agree with everything everyone has said. I wish I could just be happy with my body! I am tired of making excuses and sneaking away to throw up. I am tired of my heart beating all funky because of my bulimia. I am ******* tired of being depressed.

i know how you are feeling hunni, i dont binge eat i jus be sick everynight no matter what ive ate, even if ive had nothing. no1 nows about me, my friends that have the same problem as me want me to recover, i dont know if i will be able to, ive only been like this for nearly ten months now, how are you doing. do u still have an ED write back xxx

hi, i beg you...any bulimics have esophagus problems, where when they eat, the acids come up, and it hurts the chest/esophagus/ sometimes reaching up to the throat...MORE like GERD or chronic acid reflux ON daily basis? PLS save my life and help me...I am on medication but my chronic reflux is so bad, it happens even when i don't eat, the acids crawl up my esophagus; i think its due to WEAK esophagus MUSCLES due to purging...I only purged 3 months, about 20 times and - ended up with this?anyone purges with such problems?please...

This story and these comments break my heart. I have been were you are. I remember so clearly. Message me if any of you want to talk.<br />
I know it hurts; i;ve felt the pain.