Me and Bulimia

Eating disorders. A couple of years ago i would never of thought that bulimia would control me. But it has.

one day i just started eating for no reason and after that i regretted it so i run upstairs and shoved a toothbrush down my throat. Nothing was coming but i wouldn't give up. It came out. I was so relieved i thought to myself i can eat food and lose weight. But after my dinner i couldn't wait to do it again but i couldn't because my sister was in the bathroom. Was this a sign?

I wanted people to know. I didn't want attention. I wanted someone to know because i was scared i was going to do it again. And i carried on with bulimia. But one day my sister found out she read my diary because that is where i can release what i am holding on. My sister was disgusded in me. But i asked her to keep it a secret and she did. But one day i told my next door neighbour who is like my best mate. And my mum found out eventually.

I think i was relieved someone finally knew. My best friend said will get through this together. But she didn't even help me and my hasn't really helped.

I regretted telling them. I wish i could go back in time. But i can't.

Everyday on my mind is bulimia and now anorexia. I've started skipping meals and lie to my parent s that i have eaten.

I look at myself everyday and ask myself why can't i have the body of Beyonce or anyone. But over the couple of years i have had people saying stuff about my weight and couple of years ago i wouldn't give a **** about what they thought of me but there comments really did effect me.

And i actually never thought that eating disorders could control you but i was proven wrong. Everyday it is on my mind.

sannes sannes
2 Responses Feb 22, 2009

this is excactly what i feel like. i want ppl to know, but not really. if my parents found out i was doing this... omg i cant even imagine. but it makes me feel so good aboutt myself!! love-hate realationship

Wow, this sounds like my life with bulimia as well! Its hard because you really want help, but the minute you tell someone, they offer the wrong kind of help.