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I Am Bulimic

All my life I wasn't too fat, I was just tall and built like my father who was very athletic.  I went through puberty a little faster than my friends, and on top of that I loved food.  I always ate junk and fried food and didnt really care about healthy foods.  Up until sophomore year I was a size 6 which is pretty normal, then my boyfriend convinced me to join the gym with him.  Junior year I had lost about 10 pounds and felt fantastic, eating disorder free.  It wasn't until the middle of senior year my friends and I went on a diet together, working out obsessively.  We would run for hours and the gym became our lives.  I counted every single calorie on my cell phone calculator, counting everything from coffeemate to saltines.  I had lost weight, but was so lethargic from working out that i stopped making it to the gym, and started up a new habit.  My one friend and i would feel as if we ate too much during the ONE meal we ate that day, we would go throw up.  This starting the binging and purging habit, eating whatever you wanted then throwing it up.  I would starve myself throughout school then come home, eat 2 bowls of cereal and anything else like peanut butter and jellys, and throw up. That wasn;t the worst of it.  I would go buy muffins and candy and chocolate, and if i didnt have the money i started to steal food.  I never ate around anybody else and I would always criticize peoples eating habits.  I had drastically lost weight and was down to a size 0.  friends at school were worried about me, but I loved my new skinny body.  The hurt of how i got this body came later when i gained 5 pounds back and would binge and purge about 3 times perday.  I loved making cookies and cakes then secretly eating the whole thing and throwing up.  I would be furious if anything interuppted my eating or throwing up.  I would eat a slice of pizza and tell myself that i could keep it down, even though it wasnt healthy.  Then i would eat 2 more, make pasta, then go throw up.  I also started using laxatives.  I only used laxatives if i ate a normal meal, like a salad with lowfat dressing while out to dinner.  My parents had no idea, only my best friend who was doing the same tihng.  I have never felt such shame in my life, and every time i go to throw up i tell myself, "THis is it, this is the last time", and it never is.  After reading about bulimia, i have cut down on the binging and am trying to treat myself.  I can say it is working and I feel so strongly that I can do this.  Bulimia shouldnt have to run your life like it did mine.  Even though it was only 5 months of this disease, it was the hardest thing in my life to overcome, and it's only been two days since ive stopped throwing up.

morgan521 morgan521 18-21, F 12 Responses Jun 14, 2009

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Bulimia is infact a disease Nicholasgreenhalgh, it is a strong psychological one at that.
Let me tell you a couple things, I am an assistant fitness instructor in my co-op, and I never resorted to bulimia or anorexia, even if I encountered weight gain or bloating from my period. You're just putting your body in malfunction mode, and you do not see the risks of doing so. From doing this, your body could any minute give out. Cherish your body like a temple, not like a slave. I never understood why some people would be bulimic because I never threw up in my life, but i have observed some in my regular classes going through the drastic resort to lose weight.
Look at it this way, do you want a man to hug your curves, or a bag of bones?
Do you want to starve yourself constantly? Fall under this disease?
How about just eat more fruits and veggies? They're low carb, have a lot of vitamins, so you'll still have your goal weight while being supplied with vitamins.

Go look in the mirror. Does your face look any different than it did? Infact, does it look more pale? Do your lips dry up? Are you having a hard time breathing?
As much as you are trying to be 'fit', in reality you are depriving yourself on the one thing that keeps you alive. Without having proper diet, you're putting yourself in s much danger, i wish you could understand.
As I said, and this is certainly, you are going to be looked at like a freak if you continue this. The harsh reality is, it will eventually show, and people won't want to hang out with you if you're that sick. Guys definitely won't get turned on or want to talk to you because they repent girls with issues. In the real world, you will be criticized.
Just be happy you are still alive. You know, not a bad thing to think about but back in Victorian times, women were adored for their pear, pudged like bodies. Society may have changed ethics, but you don't have to. Love your body and treat it like a Queen's body. Seriously. Because if you don't, chances are no one else will either.

Ok I feel sorry for you all but I must inform you that bulimia is not a diases those are doused throues bacteria and viruses what you all unfortunate people have is a mental condition like anerexcia but ones again I feel really sorry for all of you

Ive been belimic for a couple months my parents found out when I had a laxative overdose I don't know what to do I'm in consoling but I'm geting worse I used to be very muscular and I'm really tall so I wore around a size 9 sometimes an 11 just for lenght that never bothered me I loved being tall and strong now I hats it ive now dropped down to a size 5 sometimes even a three I want to be as small as a model I refuse to wear anything that's a size large or bigger than a size 7 I cut out the tags I'm so phased and I hare it I want to be confident with my body

I WANT TO KNOW IF I HAVE BULIMIA OR EVEN ANOREXIA !!

I THROW UP FOOD WITHOUT PURGING AND BINGING JUST BY GAZES AND MUSCLES AND I THINK IT'S REFLUX !!!!!!! BUT THE PROBLEM THAT I CANT STOP IT I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY SHAPE AND I TRULY BELIEVE BULIMIA IS NOT A MENTAL SICKNESS IT IS ORGANIC BECAUSE WHEN I EAT I REALLY FEEL PAIN AND MY MUSCLES PUSH THE FOOD :( !! I REALLY WANT TO GAIN WEIGHT I DON'T FIND CLOTHES OR EVEN BOXERS !! I AM TOO THIN UNDER 30 KILOS FROM THE IDEAL WEIGHT I SHOULD HAVE :'( !! AND TO BUILD MUSCLES BUT ANY THING I EAT EVEN IT WAS SMALL IT HURTS MY STOMACH AND I DON'T HAVE ANY PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM OR SHAME AND I AM PROUD OF MYSELF AND EVERYBODY LOVES ME AND I'M ONE OF THE BEST STUDENTS IN MY COUNTRY , THIS BEGAN 2 YEARS AGO WHEN IT STARTS OF PAIN THEN GAZES THEN REFLUX NOT VOMITING AND ALL DOCTORS TOLD ME THAT THERE IS NO ORGANIC CAUSE AND YOU SHOULD GO TO A SHRINK BUT I REFUSED BECAUSE THEY ONLY GAVE YOU A MEDICINE THAT MAKE YOU SLEEP !!!!! SO I JUST KEPT TAKING OMPRAZOLE AND NEXIUM TO DECREASE THE ACID AND I USE A SPLINT TO PROTECT MY TEETH . MY APPETITE IS NOT THAT GOOD !!!! I HATE FOOD BECAUSE I CAN EVEN EAT IN FRONT ANY ONE EXCEPT MY FAMILY BECAUSE AFTER EATING GAZES STARTS TO GO OUT FROM MY MOUTH WITH STRONG VOICE THAT I CANT REALLY CONTROL !!! I CANT EVEN PRACTICE ANY OF MY FAVORITE SPORTS AND MY SKIN COLOR TURNED VERY YELLOW THAT MY DOCTOR DOUBTS THAT MY HEMOGLOBIN IS 13.6 I AM A MALE NOT A FEMALE . ALLLLL CHECKS ARE NORMAL AND GOOD EXCEPT ONE THING , I HAVE A BACTERIA IS CALLED H.PYLORI THAT CAUSES ALCERS !! AND IT HURTS SOMETIMES !! I REALLLLLLY NEEEEEED HELPPPPPPPPPPP PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How great does it feel to be 2 days sober! I am using drug and alchohol terminology because for me, food is a drug. I am also 2 days free from throwing up. I´ve been bulimic for 2 years and in between bulimia I was anorexic... not so fun! I am proud of you for being so strong, I know you can make it to 3 days, we both can! : - )

I feel like I am going through the same thing. I say I can have that one piece of c hocolate, then I get a taste for it and can't stop untill i make myself throw it all up. Its horrible, and I really sympathise with you. If you find success in your self-help treatment, please give me some tips. Im stuck in this eating obsession and struggling.



One love x

I don't mean to be harsh, but I do not understand why people would want to be skinny. I AM naturally skinny, have been my whole life, I am a size 0. And I ******* HATE IT!!!!!!!!! I HATE BEING SKINNY!!!!!!! I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT. When I was in high school and such, people would always make fun of me, and say I was bulemic or anorexic, and I am not. And from what I've discovered, most men don't even like skinny women, I don't even like looking at skinny women. It disgusts me. I wish I was normal and weighed 120 or 130, but no, I weigh 90lbs. I HATE IT!!!!!!! Just accept who you are, and know that people like me envy women like you who have normal bodies! The thing I've had to do to be able to accept my own body is not listen to anyone else's comments. To not think about what other people want. You might think you not being skinny is a problem in your life, but trying to kill yourself by doing that is an even more bigger problem. I feel hope that all of you can get through this, try to have fun in your life, don't bring yourself down.

how are your progressing?

are you feeling better?



hug

its the lowest feeling, but the fact your trying to do different means something right! stay strong !

I'm sorry to hear that you ever picked up this awful habit because it is an awful one to try to recover from but I am sure you are strong enough to make it through... I can completely understand just what you are saying when you talk about the secretive eating and telling yourself that you can eat that one slice of pizza or whatever like normal person and it will just be okay and the moment you feel it hit your stomach all logic goes straight out the window... Keep fighting girl you have support and atleast speaking for myself knowing that I am not the only one who has this problem makes me feel less alone... thanks for being brave and sharing :)

this sounds like exactly what i'm going through. it is honestly the lowest feeling in the world :(

im so sorrry. stay strong and you can get through this! just know that theres people out there going through the exact same thing and your story only helps them

I am so glad to hear that you are fighting this. You are very brave. Stay strong!

it is so nice to hear someone be so honest about their story. I think about it all the time and try to rationalize the way I act but its really become an addiction for me. I started to seriously lose weight my freshman year of college- I had found out I was allergic to gluten and got really strict about what I took in. After a year at school I was down to about 5'10" and only 130 lbs. My friends were shocked but I felt amazing and had never once thought I had an eating disorder. Then I started living at home again and all those foods that were completely off limits at school (wheat and gluten) were available again (in my mom's gluten free recipes etc...)
I would work all day and be really careful about counting calories but then the second I got home I would start baking and eating as much as I could. I felt horrible every night trying to sleep feeling so full and uncomfortable. I would always exercise at least an hour or two the next morning and try to burn everything off. that worked for a little while until I moved out of my parent's house and had even more dietary freedom. I lost total control and whenever I was bored or stressed I turned straight to food. at first it was only "healthy" foods. I would eat almost a whole watermelon and feel so full I was going to burst. Then I moved to LA and had recently broken up with my boyfriend. I was already insecure in a new city, and then I was surrounded by people with crazy eating habits and body image issues. I lived with a girl who was definitely bulimic and until that point I had never even tried to make myself throw up. I remember the relief of throwing up for the first time after eating a huge bag of candy. from there I would eat really healthy and then when I got stressed or overwhelmed or sad I would go on a binge and end up throwing up. usually only every couple weeks but in the past 6-12 months it has turned in to at least every other day. I can tell my teeth and skin are starting to get damaged and I have such low will power and energy. Its a vicious cycle that I feel I can't talk about and can't really get out of. I know there are other people out there like me and I am here for you if you will share your stories and solutions with me. Love to you all, you are all worth it and I just wish I could feel like I am again too.