I Am Bulimic
All my life I wasn't too fat, I was just tall and built like my father who was very athletic. I went through puberty a little faster than my friends, and on top of that I loved food. I always ate junk and fried food and didnt really care about healthy foods. Up until sophomore year I was a size 6 which is pretty normal, then my boyfriend convinced me to join the gym with him. Junior year I had lost about 10 pounds and felt fantastic, eating disorder free. It wasn't until the middle of senior year my friends and I went on a diet together, working out obsessively. We would run for hours and the gym became our lives. I counted every single calorie on my cell phone calculator, counting everything from coffeemate to saltines. I had lost weight, but was so lethargic from working out that i stopped making it to the gym, and started up a new habit. My one friend and i would feel as if we ate too much during the ONE meal we ate that day, we would go throw up. This starting the binging and purging habit, eating whatever you wanted then throwing it up. I would starve myself throughout school then come home, eat 2 bowls of cereal and anything else like peanut butter and jellys, and throw up. That wasn;t the worst of it. I would go buy muffins and candy and chocolate, and if i didnt have the money i started to steal food. I never ate around anybody else and I would always criticize peoples eating habits. I had drastically lost weight and was down to a size 0. friends at school were worried about me, but I loved my new skinny body. The hurt of how i got this body came later when i gained 5 pounds back and would binge and purge about 3 times perday. I loved making cookies and cakes then secretly eating the whole thing and throwing up. I would be furious if anything interuppted my eating or throwing up. I would eat a slice of pizza and tell myself that i could keep it down, even though it wasnt healthy. Then i would eat 2 more, make pasta, then go throw up. I also started using laxatives. I only used laxatives if i ate a normal meal, like a salad with lowfat dressing while out to dinner. My parents had no idea, only my best friend who was doing the same tihng. I have never felt such shame in my life, and every time i go to throw up i tell myself, "THis is it, this is the last time", and it never is. After reading about bulimia, i have cut down on the binging and am trying to treat myself. I can say it is working and I feel so strongly that I can do this. Bulimia shouldnt have to run your life like it did mine. Even though it was only 5 months of this disease, it was the hardest thing in my life to overcome, and it's only been two days since ive stopped throwing up.