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I Know I Know

I have it, i chose it and it does not define me.

i lost 76.2lbs(35kgs) in three months while i was ana.... I'm what you would call a jumper, i get really big then really small. and i hate it. you see when i start i cant stop. normally something gets me jumping, always something thing different and sometimes it doesn't have to be big...

i have been swing between ana and bulimia since 12, but i just hated throwing up so i chose ana... last year i was in hospital, and yeah TARA to but not just for my eating disorders but part of it.... i got really bad and steps were taken, so to say i started to eat again. i just chose to forget, yip my mind just didn't want to see... then when i looked up again i had put on 50lbs(25kgs) DAMN! i though, i did it again!

So i jumped into bulimia, because i love the taste of food really i do, and since i started my new job i couldn't afford to pass out at the office or anything or take a chance that my family would find out, well my brothers anyway...  in the past month or so iv lost 17lbs(10kgs) bulimia is slower! so i have joined a gym and run when i cant get to the gym...

now listen, i don't think I'm ugly i am defiantly not stupid. and i don't want to be rake thin. i don't think bulimia or ana is my life or i couldn't live without it! i don't lose any sleep and i don't think constantly about it. allot of this is control and some i just don't want to be huge. when it comes time to do it i do it, i don't like it but i do it.  i know this is bad for my body, I'm not to sure what exactly bulimia does for i have been ana but no doubt its just as bad. I'm just short sighted, if its not happening now then its not that bad... lol. 

 hmmm i heard a couple people mention something about teeth problems? i love my teeth!

do i want to stop? of course i do I'm not an idiot, but i don't want to be so heavy my ankles swell and i cant go for a walk without sitting down... yes I've been that big! i love the taste of food...

in deep thought.

skyefyre17 skyefyre17 18-21, F 7 Responses Nov 10, 2009

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Do you throw up every meal? Or just 1 meal?

I recognise so much of myself in this. <br />
I'm sat here stuffed yet again, about to go to the bathroom, yet again, at 28 years of age after doing this for 10 years. I'm normal and happy with a full social life, and yet every evening when I'm on my own I seem to find time to binge and purge. <br />
I hate the amount of money I waste on food that literally ends up down the toilet and my teeth are showing signs of weakening, which worries me a hell of a lot.<br />
I eat normally throughout the day and when I'm with other people, and I never bother to purge fully, as it's not exactly pleasant, so the whole thing is totally pointless. <br />
But I'm hooked now. It's like an addiction that I just can't fight on my own. <br />
If anyone wants to try and get better with me I would love an email support buddy! Let me know. <br />
L.

Bulimia will destroy you're teeth if nothing else. I have looked and looked for things to subdue the effects of acid wear on teeth, I have already lost 2... And still I can't stop, I'm fortunate that they weren't my very front teeth, although I'm sure it's just a matter of time... I have fake ones now to replace the ones that are gone but... well, it still sucks.

honey , i am bit like u , i was taking multivitamin after purging so that my body is n't affected much , i used to take much coffee with milk and sugar in starvation days ( i was slightly anorexic )to raise my blood pressure , raise my sugar levels in blood , not make me wanna sleep due to starvation , and i turned to anorexia because i love my teeth and don't want to harm them by throwing up so i choose to starve my self , but trust me the more u know about the side effects , the more u r careful and help ur body to reverse it , but at the same time u really think about stopping all this harming your body .<br />
sweety there is equilibrium in our bodies God has created that in us , this equilibrium is by eating healthy not by starving or throwing up and take heap of medications to reverse it , <br />
i don't want to be harsh on you , like i said i was in your position before, but just think about it .<br />
take care of your self<br />
xx

ANA = Anorexic <br />
<br />
I know all the side affecs of starving your self, as i said i have been doing it for a long time, but thank you.<br />
<br />
the thing about bulimia is you dont exactly starve, you eat minute amouts between bings and it is very hard to completely empty your stomach so you do take in some there to. that is why bulimia takes longer to loose weight that ana - THE PLUS is that its harder for people to notice and also prevents yourself from passing out all the time...<br />
<br />
i drink loads of coffee! like 12 cups a day with 3 sugars and milk! that puts you on a sugar high + you dont get hungry as often and because your running around you burn the sugar(helps with ana and bulimia) + i take OMEGA'S that give your brain(so you can work) and organs(so you can live) the nessasery fats(not weight) to function and also makes your hair and nails strong and healthy(well as much as they can be) remember i dont want to die or be as skinny as a rake i still want to look healthy!!!<br />
to help my liver i also drink loads of water because it helps clean you out from all that coffee<br />
( you can also get bladder infections from concentrated urin caused by the coffee so WATER WATER ) and helps the weght loss which is a plus...<br />
<br />
you see i know my stuff about starving, i just need to get more clued up on the stomach acid your bring up... ill do my reserch...<br />
<br />
Help? thats a touchy subject for every one im sure... its not that i dont think i have a prob its just... damn its complicated to explain. maybe one day i will be able to...<br />
<br />
for all those in South Africa looking for help, the best place to go is TARA ward one + two! it has saved many lives and wont cost you and arm and a leg! you could pay yourself actually even as a student!<br />
<br />
:):):)

Bulimia is when you eat then throw up .. What is ana?

i have had a similiar issue.<br />
i used to starve myself as well.<br />
until my mother sat me down and told me the side effects.<br />
yes, it can mess up your teeth (throwing up.. all the acid coming up)<br />
and each time you start eating again you will gain twice as much as u weighed before.<br />
why?<br />
because your body goes soooo long with no food it just lives off what it can. when you finally do it...<br />
your body things you will go into starvation mode again so it stores everything, i mean EVERYTHING you eat.<br />
even though you may not think so but starving yourself and making yourself vomit are issues.<br />
being skinning may be an addiction to you and you just might not realize it...<br />
<br />
try and find help, because it will only get worse.<br />
<br />
i hope this was a little help to you.<br />
:)