It Hurts

I wish i didn't have to do it but i do so there you go. My parents have no idea about how ****** up about food i am. i go out and buy food to shove it in my mouth then i throw it all back up again. its ******. i was not eating for weeks and then whenever i did eat i would throw up i did this for a year until christmas and i was happy i lost **** loads of weight and everyone used to comment on how they could see my bones i loved it. but now will binge but not always make myself sick ? i dont get it!!! and then i will feel so awful and get really depressed and take **** loads of laxatives and then re-do the cycle all over again. week after week i tell myself that i will start again and just not eat anything because when i do i have to throw up because my body cant handle it and this hurts my throat bleeds and i have been lying to my parents about stomach ache so i dont have to eat. when they took me to the doctors nothing was wrong but they kept pushing it and now i have recently been diagnosed with pancreatitis which i dont care about. i think about food 24/7 which totally ***** me up!!!! i dont think i am bulemic because they are tiny, im 5,4 and weigh 49 kilo's which is so fat compared with bulemic people, but i do want to speak to some people about eating because it ***** me up so much :( xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx dont judge me please x

C1993 C1993
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 7, 2010

Please email me sometime! We have soo much in common its rediculous. Honestly, i will give you my freaking phone number. We will be here for each other.

hey, your weight doesnt matter and for most part, bulimics dont get seriously skinny unless they are really really bad and have doing it for a long long time. i never got seriously skinny. bulimia is different from anorexia. and its usually really hard to detect. im here for you if you need to talk. just message me. i understand the need to get this out and talk about it. xxx ps. how can we judge you if we have gone through this ourselves?

I am totally with you about the whole weight loss turned bulimic turned binger/bulimic thing. Also, did you mean to say 5'4 and 49lbs, or kilos? Because I'm pretty sure that at this weight (in lbs) you would be dead. And it doesn't matter your size (I'm pretty fat for a bulimic girl myself, at 5'2 and 110lbs). The problem being adressed is the disorder, not the weight (specifically)