I'm Fat, Disgusting, And Have No Control

For the past 4 days I've been binging and purging like crazy. My most recent binge was

3 poptart packages (6 poptarts)

3 bags of Knott's Berry Farm cookies

A whole bag of trail mix

A Seira Mist (1 liter)

A Naked Smoothie

A veggie sandwhich on wheat bread

A bag of baked Ruffles chips

I tried to purge as much as I could by I don't think I got it all. I'm a cow and everyone on my campus knows it. I prefer food to people because food doesn't judge me. Food doesn't tell me that I'm not pretty enough, skinny enough, fun enough. I hate my life. I hate this. I want to scream. I want to die. I don't want to live because I am the lowest life form on this earth. Let the ground swallow me whole.




MyWorldIntheDrain MyWorldIntheDrain
18-21, F
5 Responses Feb 7, 2010

Please email me. We are so much alike i cannot even explain. I am not in college though...but i know where you're coming from.<br />

Same story here. Besides I'm failing college, have no friends and everyone hates me.

dear, i do the same thing. i know how u feel. food is like my bestfriend. its ok to have it with us but its really bad when we're having it 24/7. stay strong.

:( Im sorry you had to go through this... but if you don't stop throwing up like this you can get some really serious health problems. Tooth decay, swollen gums, gum disease, tears of the esophagus, and a lot more D: its really not fun. Please, this isnt the path you want to go down. I know how you feel. I dont ever want to leave my house because of the way I look and I just feel gross and fat and sluggish. You can't let what other people say get to you, because I doubt they know anything about you. I know Im just some random stranger, but I really dont want you to get sick. I'm not one to give advice, but you should really look for someone to talk to about this. It helped for me.

I read this with tears in my eyes because I have been there. Does your family know that you are doing this? if you want to talk I am around for a while tonight.