I Have Been Bulimic For 10months, Read My Story

I was the happiest 15 year old girl alive, i had the most amazing boyfriend and in July 08 we found out i was having a baby, we was so happy and enjoyed knowin that we wud be parents. This all ended 22nd of November 08, i was 5 and half months gone and i started bleeding, i went to the toliet and felt i need to push. all of sudden my baby was down my toliet it was breathing and wasnt crying, i took him to the hospital and they he had gone straight away there was nothing they could do, i held my dead baby for 3hours and i had to go. i was crying to much.

I had split with the father cuz he reminded me of my baby, it was so hard for me. But i realised i had to carry on with life. But i cudnt 5th of december 08 i was raped by a man i dont know, i didnt go to the police and didnt tell no1. I thought to myself how can i live after loosing a child and getting raped.

On 12th december 08 it was my 16th birthday i had to make people believe i was fine, after loosing my baby and gettin raped a few days later. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do in my life

But in March 09 i met the love of my life, he was so nice and kind to me. He asked to me so i went along with this, he wasnt like all the other boys he didnt try and make a move onto me and didnt force me into nothing. We jus at there and talked non-stop for 3hours. When it was time for me to go he asked me for a hug i didnt know what to do he was the first boy to touch me properly after finishin with my babys dad. I just said next time im late sorry and he said it was fine.

3days later we met again all i thought about was him all day everyday, he was the nicest boy id ever met. so i hugged him, It felt so warm and so nice to now sum1 was there for me after so long. We talked everyday over internet and by phone. Two days later we met again, he asked to kiss me. i went along with it, i had buuterflys in my belly for the first time in a long time. That night he told me he had feelings for me, it was hard for him cuz his ex for 3years split up from him 5months ago, and he didnt think he wud have feelings for anyboy else, it was same for me i didnt think id have feelings for no1 else after ending with my babys dad and gettin raped. but i had to carry on with life

We carried on meeting and on 29th March 09 he asked me out, i said yes and everythin was going fine.

Until june when i started having night mares of loosing my baby and gettin raped it was really hard for me to handle, all i did was stop in bed until 12, get up have shower get dressed and got to meet Danny, i didnt have nothing to eat for days, until danny realised i wasnt eatin nothin for a whole 2weeks. he made me eat some fish

I ran to the toliet and was sick. Ever since that day, wen ever i have something to eat i make myself sick

Danny is noticing that im loosin weight and my bones are starting to show alot.

At the moment i weigh 114pound and i want to get to 100pounds by may 09

Living with an ed is a secret for me, a really hard one. my cousin found out by finding photos on my phone. and she told her auntie. they know about my self harming and my eatin problems, they have asked me to go docs and let me here that im bulimic cuz i havent been told yet,, but i know i have got bilimia. i jus find it hard to know that the doctor has got to tell me this, im jus too scared for help

Im also really ill at the moment becuase i over dosed on monday 15th feb 09, i keep throwing up im ment to go hospital but i havent told no1 this. im really ill and jus wish my life wud end cuz of all the pain im in.

 

If any wants to talk about any of the problems they have im always here, i know how most people feel about stuff ive had alot more happen to me in my life.

thanks for readin my story

DannieLouise DannieLouise
18-21, F
6 Responses Feb 20, 2010

Take initiative to lessen your ed... I have an ed too, and it's a secret in my life. no one knows, except my boyfriend. I told my bf, but I told him that it's in the past and I only still get urges sometimes, I don't tell him I make myself throw it up. It's disgusting...and annoying that I have to do that....just be strong!

Thank you for all your comments and reading my story, i will take in what every1 has sed to me and it means alot, x x

I'm also 16 and have bulimia and i totally understand the ED problems you are having. <br />
with everything else that you have gone through i am very sorry, you are very strong to go through all of that, but it seems that you have yourself a very nice guy. i've been bulimic for almost a year now, not counting the years that i've tried it only a little, but for almost a year now i throw up at least 3-4 times a day, and unfortunately on occasions more. I wish i could stop, i think about it every night, but the next day i go right back to my routine of binge eating to wear it hurts than throwing it all up. It makes me sad and sick to think my parents think that there spending there money on food to keep me healthy, while I'm throwing all the money away with throwing it up. Try to stay in there because even though your life might feel like there's no good in it, there is=]], If you ever want to talk to anyone I'm here =]] just stick in there

This is sooo sad. Please tallk to me if you need some comforting and I will be a good listener too.

hey, i added you on facebook :)<br />
wow, it seems like you have gone through alot and i really feel for you. you know what? if you turn your life afound and have the persistence and courage to recover from this you will be able to help so many other girls! ok, if you deal with the underlying issue (rape and losing your baby) then this will be easier to beat. you need to go see a couneslor and talk to them about all this. if you want to get rid of bulimia you need to find a better way to cope with all the emotions going on inside you....<br />
<br />
i have had bulimia and i still struggle with it.....i was abused by a guy.....have have selfharmed....i cant imagine how you must feel but i can begin to get a rough idea because i know how i felt. <br />
<br />
look, if you want to talk about this more send me a message....or i can send you one :) i want to be able to help you. i dont know what i can do but if anything i will be someone for you to talk to :)<br />
<br />
xxx

if any1 feels the same and wants to tell me their story, id be happy to listen and chat at any time. add me on facebook. dannie-xo@live.co.uk my facebook name is Natural Ana x