I Have Bulimia And Idk How To Stop

OK SO IM 19 YEARS OLD AND ALL MY LIFE I STRUGGLED WITH MY WEIGHT, I WAS TEASED BY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND JUST THE PRESSURE OF THE WORLD. I ALWAYS FELT LIKE A 0 NEXT TO MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER AND IT CRUSHED ME NOT TO FEEL NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I HATED SHOPPING CUZ NOTHING FIT ME AND THE GUYS I WAS INTERESTED ME FELT DISGUSTED BY ME.. AT THE AGE OF 15 I DECIDED TO CHANGE MY LIFE AND I STARTED RIGHT DOING EXCERSISE AND DIET AND I LOST ALOT OF WEIGHT I WENT FROM 158 TO 115 I FELT GREAT AND HAD THE ATTENTION I ALWAYS WANTED, BUT THEN I GOT LAZY AND GAINED IT ALL BACK PLUS SOME. WHEN I MOVED MY WHOLE LIFE CHANGED I LEFT MY FRIENDS BEHIND AND I WAS SOOO DEPRESSED SO I GAINED MORE WEIGHT AND AGAIN THE PROBLEMS AND LOW SELF ESTEEM CAME BAK , I HAD MY HEART BROKEN AND I WAS DYING INSIDE, SO THEN I LEFT TO MEXICO ON VACATIONS DETERMINED TO CHANG EMY LIFE AND I DID AND I DIDNT EVEN TRY ALL IT TOOK FOR ME WAS TO WALK EVERYDAY WHICH I ENJOYED AND I ATE RIGHT IT WAS GREAT I NEVER FELT BETTER I LOST ALOT OF WEIGHT AND I LOOKED BEAUTIFULWHEN I STARTED MY SENIOR YEAR I WAS A BEAUTIFUL CONFIDENT GIRL I HAD GREAT FRIENDS MY SLEF ESTEEM WAS BAK I STARTED DATING BY CURRENT BF AND I HAD ALL THE GUYS AT MY FEET, HONESTLY ONE OF THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE... BUT THEN GRADUATION MARKED THE END OF THAT , AND THE PRESSURE OF THE WORLD , GUY PROBLEMS , AND THE LOST OF MY FRIENDS AS WE WENT OUR DIFFERENT WAYS STARTED TO BRING ME DOWN PROBLEMS WIHT MY BF AND THEN I STARTED COLLEGE 8 MONTHS AGO AND WITH IT CAME BULIMIA, IT STARTED AS O THIS IS ONLY ONE TIME I CAN COTROL IT ,IM NOT BULIMIC BUT THEN IT WAS TWICE THREE TIMES PER WEEK TO EVENTUALLY EVERYDAY, I HAVE NEVER FELT SMALL O WHEN MY NEW CLASSMATES WHERE LIKE O UR SO TINY AND SKINNY AND IT FELT GREAT TO FEEL LIKE THAT AND SO THAT GOT ME TO THE POINT WERE IT WAS EVERYDAY 2 OR 3 TIMES AND I WAS LOSING ALOT OF WEIGHT. IT DIDNT HIT ME TILL MY SISTER TOLD ME ONEDAY OMG UR DISSAPEARING... THEN I NOTICED I WAS I GOT SCARED AND STOPPED A LIL BUT ITS SO HARD I MEAN EVERYTIME I EAT I THINK UR GUNNA BE FAT AGAIN SO I CANT FULLY STOP AND I REALLY WANT TO.... AND THEN CAME THE PRESSURE OF SEX !I WAS A VIRGIN UNTIL LAST MONTH AND SO I WANTED TO LOOK PERFECT MY BF NEVER PRESSURED ME BUT I FELT LIKE I NEEDED TO AND SO I DID BUT HE COULDNT GET INSIDE AND NOW M FREAKING OUT CUZ IM 10 DAYS LATE BUT IDK IF ITS THE STRESS OF MY BULIMIA AND LIFE AND SKOOL BUT IM SCARED... I WANT TO STOP BUT I DONT WANT TO GET FAT!! I DONT WANT TO LOSE MY BF AND I DONT WANT TO BE BAK IN SQUARE ONE...... WHEN I STARTED BULIMIA I WAS 138 AND NOW IM 108 POUNDS

lucylove19 lucylove19
18-21, F
5 Responses Mar 2, 2010

Bulemia is dangerous. It is scary, and it is addictive. People think that it is just a matter of saying you are going to stop, but that isn't true. It is a matter of willpower. Going in, and coming out. So, you have to really set your mind on stopping the bulemic actions. That is the only way you will stop. If you need support with that, please message me, I will do what I can to help you stop. <br />
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Thank you for sharing your story though, as it might help someone else struggling with the same problem...

You're lucky, my bulimia never made me lose any weight. Ugh i hate saying that to you because I know that's just encouragement and being bulimic myself I know that isn't right. I am sorry about your bf but I think it will be okay. I am sure he loves you and doesn't care how you look.

You're lucky, my bulimia never made me lose any weight. Ugh i hate saying that to you because I know that's just encouragement and being bulimic myself I know that isn't right. I am sorry about your bf but I think it will be okay. I am sure he loves you and doesn't care how you look.

i agree, getting help will possibly be the best thing you could do....but i suggest you go to a trained professional because you know they can deal with it. its always hard telling family and they dont always react the right way. you are very brave for admitting this. get help. that is the only (or at least easiest) way you are going to recover from this. dont put it off any longer. you are worth more than this and this is only destroying you. <br />
good luck and im always here if you need a chat<br />
xxxx

You've admitted it here hun...that's a step in the right direction for you! You need to find someone in your life that can help you, like a doctor or nurse at the college, or a counsellor. You'll feel so much better once you share this and are not keeping it totally secret anymore. Ask for help from someone you trust...good luck :)