Why I'm Bulimic

People may judge me. But they don't know what it's like to be 16 and 5'8/ 346 lbs. they don't know what it's like for your parents to be ashamed of you. So ashamed that all they do it take you to buffets, because they don't want to be seen anywhere else with you. So you start to feel like, If my parents think I'm ugly,then damn: I must be ugly and fat.  Being this fat made me feel like  I was dying. Dying because I wasn't living a life. I stayed in my room all the time and my life revolved around food,because I had nothing else but good grades. No one ever spoke to me. and now people actually treat me like I'm human. Other girls are actually jealous of me, so they are bitxhes towards me. Before either left me alone out of pity or they were bitxhtes towards me because i was just the fat slob. My father actually isn't ashamed to be seen with me. And my mother takes me clothes shopping.

I know yall will say there are other ways,but I've tried them and i don't have the time for it. I feel like I was dying anyway, so if bulimia kills me , then at least I'lll die happy and knowing that I tried. and don't tell me that I'm not happy, because I am. It's twisted, but I'm happy

chicin chicin
18-21, F
5 Responses Mar 24, 2010

i am very much in the same boat i want to find a buddy to help lose weight in a healthy way and become free of eating disorders together. are u interested

Maybe you should think about what's best for you in the long run rather than what's best for them right now. In 5 years time, 95% of those people will have moved on.

I was never as big as you were, but its all familiar to me. the parents being total monsters and thr peers treating you like a social reject. then you lose weight and everything is better. i suggest maybe asking one or both parents to get into a workout class or regimen with you. learn some healthy new recipes and cook with your mom or dad. Ill never judge, life is hard enough without others making it harder for each other. Be strong and remember, you're not alone.

how small are you now beaut and how long did it take u to become the size u are today xxx

fat doesn't equal ugly, nor does skinny equal beautiful. there are more than these two choices in life, it's not either be fat or be skinny...it's a delicate balance of the two. your parents are instrumental in regards to what foods they've allowed you to eat so far...what i would suggest doing is speaking to them, ask them to listen to you. let them know how you feel, what changes you want to implement and what your goals are. it won't be easy, but it's definitely worth doing...you are worth every effort. best wishes sweetie.