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An Everlasting Hope....the Story Of My Fiancee's Struggle With Cancer

I really don't know how to even begin to describe all that I'm going through right now....life seems so so harsh and everything so meaningless....
I'm a 22 year old Engineering graduate from India who is working in an MNC in New Delhi....I recently got a scholarship for pursuing MS in USA...something for which I had been laboring since last year...when I got the confirmation letter..it was like a dream come true..I was so very excited.......life seemed perfect indeed...I had just accomplished a much cherished goal...and I was soon going to be engaged to my childhood sweetheart...
She is the most adorable girl I've ever known..shes smart, fun, intelligent and extremely caring and sensitive...our families live next door and  have known each other since a very very long duration... we literally grew up together..we both loved to read, paint and write poetry n stuff...we have always shared everything..starting from our b'day to our hopes, aspirations, joys, sorrows.... though shes two years younger than me but shes always been the mature and responsible one...
My early years had been somewhat disturbing and traumatic......my mother died when I was quiet young...and a few years back I lost my elder brother, an Army personnel who lost his life in the line of duty..he was my friend, mentor and guide and his death shattered me completely...I was completely lost but for her loving support..she not only helped me to get through those dark times but instilled in me a sense of hope and courage...
The next few years were really special......when our friendship gradually evolved into love..she became the center of my existence...and though I never expressly stated my feelings but there was rarely a moment when we were apart..until we both had to leave our hometown for college..I cracked the IIT entrance exam and made it through the most premier engineering institute of the country while she got through CLAT...and was admitted in the top-most law school...we both had achieved our much desired aims and couldn't have been happier..our families were so proud of us....
After my graduation last summer our parents began planning our engagement and I was on cloud nine..I was among the lucky few who was getting to marry the love of my life....my joy knew no bounds...
It was the most magical phase of my life..the very idea of getting to spend the rest of my life with my soul mate was enthralling..though I knew that it would be a couple of years before we actually exchanged the vows because she still had a few years left for graduation and our families really wanted us to focus on our careers first....but it all seemed worth the wait...

And then when things had begun to fall in place....I suddenly discovered that she has been diagnosed with brain tumor....she kept it from me for a very long time...her phone calls became less and less frequent..she avoided meeting me during holidays and I too became pre occupied in my preparations .. but when I came home this summer I was shocked to realize that she was hospitalized..I went to visit her and she seemed so frail and vulnerable that I just couldn't believe that she was the same smiling and beautiful girl I had left a few months back...
As she saw me her eyes lit up with new warmth and a weak smile formed on her lips but it could not disguise the pain she was in....
I felt angry and betrayed..at being the last person in the family to be told about it..but she said that she had meant it to be so because she knew how much that scholarship meant to me and she really wanted me to excel in the exam...

The last few months have been a flurry of emotions..I have gone from shock to denial to sadness to anger and back again..but have still not been able to accept it...I can't describe the sense of helplessness I feel to see her suffer so much..she has always been there to support me in the most turbulent times and now when she needs me so much there is nothing I can do to alleviate her misery..
The doctor say that she'll have to face surgery which involves a lot of risk because the tumor is quite close to the optic nerve and even if the operation is successful she  may lose her eyesight..  In any case she doesn't have more than a couple of years....

She has been very brave about all of it and is trying her level best to manage her studies along with her treatment..despite her continuous struggle with pain she keeps pushing herself harder...and she really wants to fulfill her parent's dream of becoming an IAS officer...
My term starts the coming September..and shes always constantly trying to persuade me to go on with it..but now it all seems so worthless...
I'm so scared of losing her..I don't ever want to leave her again...she is everything i have..i can't imagine my life without her and so there is no way I'm going to let her leave me alone..no matter what the doctors say I'm never going to give up.....

I'm still hoping against all hopes for my prayers to be answered and the beautiful vision that we had dreamed together to materialize...
mishrapranav5 mishrapranav5 22-25, M 4 Responses Aug 20, 2011

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This is very touching. I will say a prayer for her. Please do read my stories in this group, especially on intravenous Vitamin C.

Wow. I can't even begin to imagine what you must feel like right now. I am truly sorry to read about your misfortune. In truth, I don't really know if there's anything I can say that could make this better. I'll leave that up to the wiser folks around but you and your brave fiance are both in my thoughts and prayers. Life is so terribly unfair sometimes!<br />
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Just try and be strong and live your life the best way you possibly can and never forget her. We all pass at some time and the best we can hope for is to leave a legacy. To be remembered fondly, and, it certainly sounds like she's left a lasting impression. I honestly wish you all the best, young man!<br />
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Stay strong. I know that it won't be easy but you have to try. Love and peace, my friend!

Your post literally brought tears in my eyes. You've already faced so much grief at such a young age, you don't deserve any more pain. I know what its like to lose a loved on,your life is never the same again......<br />
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My heart goes out to both of you. I know there is nothing much that anyone can say or do, but please I really want you to know that I do care and my prayers and best wishes will always be with you.<br />
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Also I would request you to be strong for her sake as much as yours. No matter how brave and courageous she may portray herself to be, shes after all just a young college girl and must be really scared. She would really need all your emotional support and care and for that you do need to be emotionally strong and get a grip over yourself.

I hope the miracle happens for you too, but if it doesn't then go on with your life and dreams and dedicate it to her; that way she will live on. When we die each person who remembers and loves us still gives us the gift of a step into immortality. My wishes are with you both, try and be strong.

Thanx a lot for you wishes Ma'am..your beautiful words means a lot for me..for both of us..
I know your advice is meant in the best of our interests but honestly at present the very idea of an existence without her is too painful to consider..it seems really very difficult to accept the fact that there maybe a time when she won't be a part of my life...

Both she and my family are constantly pushing me to carry on with my MS course but I just can't bring myself to leave her in such a state..........:(:(:(