Just A Loser

Well.. My story's not any different from everyone else's.

Yeah, I cut.

It all started when was looking in the mirror. I was so angry at what I saw, that I punched the mirror. I scratched my arm while doing so. I felt so frustrated that I grabbed a shard of glass and cut my arm more and more.

Why wasn't I like the other guys? Why couldn't I get a girlfriend? Why did the girl I liked not like me back?

To me, cutting was the answer to all of this. It was a way of expressing the shame I felt of my own body.

I started doing it once every three days.. Then once a day.. Then several times a day.. And it eventually became my life. I sometimes carved words in my arms. 'Fat', 'Ugly', 'Emo', 'Disgusting', '*****', '******'.. That's what they called me..

At the locker room after P.E. people saw my cuts and then, eventually, everyone at my school knew. They made fun of me for it.. They didn't want to know why I did it. All they cared about was making themselves look better no matter what it would take. Even if it meant doing this to other people.

One day at school after washing my hands, the girl I mentioned walked past me and looked at my arm. Her name was on it, along with the words 'useless' and 'ugly'. She stared at me and said 'Why?' and I replied 'Because you're the only thing in this world keeping me alive.'

Since then I have been to psychiatric hospitals and have been hospitalized multiple times. I don't cut anymore. I realized it doesn't solve your problems and it only makes you feel better for a moment. If you cut, please stop. Do it for your friends. If you're alone, do it for me. I lost everything I had because of cutting. Please don't do this to yourself. No one deserves it.

'Don't cut. Be strong'.
jojotheuseless jojotheuseless
3 Responses Nov 30, 2012

I cut too.... I'm trying to stop or at least not do it as much by Christmas, but I don't know if I'll be there yet. :( My mom saw and she didn't think it was a big deal, even though I've been diagnosed with depression and I'm on meds and everything. I think she's in denial.

your not ugly or enything and i am sorry happy you stoped, it is so hard i know and if you need to talk i be here

Thanks! And I know now that when those people said that they were just trying to get to me. It sounds so wrong, I know.

its ok i get it and i trying to stop your story helps:)

then you should be listening to that song called "creep" - i do that all the time when i feel like a loser - you oughta try it it would give you a sense of peace and maybe a little chuckles everynow and then :)

I will. Thanks a lot! I appreciate it.