Pretending Is Not What It Is Cracked Up To Be...After slithering on the floor not being able to crawl and continuously falling to my right side my parents' concern became a reality... I was diagnosed with a mild degree of some kind of CP or what I typically refer to as right hemiparesis.
With no logical reason as to why I was born this way and the need to blame someone or thing… I followed in the footsteps of my mother and put the blame on my father. Not sure how to embrace my CP I spent most of my life sad that I was not like others and did my best to pretend that I am not "disabled". However, it did not help being ridiculed at school when all the other kids were "normal".
Somewhere down the line feeling small and limited I made myself believe that I could never do the things I always wanted to do... Running, biking, snowboarding, fishing, rock climbing among other things. It all seemed out of reach and unattainable and I eventually gave up on the idea of being "athletic".
Pushing that aside... I somehow stumbled into the audiology profession thinking instead of helping improve my physical self I could find ways to improve the life of those who are hearing impaired. However little did I realize that by doing so I would yet again be facing the struggle of dealing with my right "baby" hand. Manipulating hearing aids and the little parts that make up the hearing aids can be a tough feat with one and a half hands. Much to the disbelief of others I graduated in the top of my class FINALLY not letting my CP discourage me...
Recently being told by someone close to me that I would never be athletic... my fear was yet again validated. However this time instead of giving up I found the drive or motivation to beat the odds and do or at least attempt to do those activities I always wanted take part in (hopefully I will not hit my 11th broken bone in the process ;))
A couple years ago I ran into a girl I knew from elementary school. Hesitant to see her again the first words that came out of her mouth was "wow you look healthy" as though I was dying from some disease. Not saying a word I just remember thinking to myself… why did I constantly let other opinions dictate my limitations or is it me who thinks that I am limited???
Now watching adaptive sports and the Paralympics I find myself with the determination to do more... to be more... and stop giving up. As I'm getting older…I feel the pain and stress take a toll on my right side with the thought that my CP may get worse with time. But now more than ever I'm tired of pretending I’m “normal” and ultimately being in constant fear of my CP…
emoheee 26-30, F 4 Responses 0 Feb 8, 2013