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I Have Cp

i never tell people, in fact if your reading this you'd be the first. i have always thought of "CP" as a curse thay i never deserved. i have cried myself to sleep many nights wondering "why me?" i always think of CP as permanent chains on my body that will never go away.

i was born 3.5 months early and only weighed 2pds. 3oz. i don't really know much else other that i was premature, and spent the first 3 months of life in the hospital. growing up i had a lazy eye (which i despised) and i was very skinny and underweight. most of what i can remember from my childhood was being around doctors like i was some kind of ******* science expiriment or something. i can remember being a child and getting made fun of constantly-(which still bothers me to this day because having CP isn't something i chose or would ever choose for anyone knowing the hell my life has been) i know it was hard on my mother because she only wanted the best for me and wanted me to function "like a normal child." in my life i've had probably 7 surgerys to make me look and function normally to the general public, and probably myself. i am grateful that i appear normal and most people cannot tell but i still hate myself everyday. i look in the mirror and see what CP has done to my body and i hate it, it's like i want to shatter the mirrior with the image i see in it. i wish there was a cure, some way i could have a normal body-something i have always dreamed of...i want to know whats it's like to have 20/20 vision and have a muscular body but unfortunatley i never will. i cry every once in a while because i hate that i have to be the one with this disability but i know that it has made me a stronger person. even so i wish i could take it away from myself...i wish i truely could be "normal."

 

i think of CP and a shadow thats with me at all times. if i ever feel normal it's like the CP engulfs me to constantly remind me how far from normal i really am

shadowx shadowx 18-21 3 Responses Jun 8, 2009

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You are normal... God just made you and I unique... I have recently found out through many visits to the doctor that What I thought were muscle spasms, truly were seizures. Now the doctor has me on anti- seizure meds. By the grace of God, I have not suffered any seizures since Jan/Feb of this year.
I personally used to look in the mirror and wonder why me. God gave me CP. now I wear my affliction as a badge of honor for him. So should you...

As I was reading your story, I see myself in your story. I am now 44 yrs old and have had 6 children who thankfully do not have CP. however, I am now currently dealing with a situation with a boyfriend who doesn't quite understand the daily pain we suffer.
I've been to the Dr within he past few days and finally, I found someone who wants to make sure that my muscle spasms aren't actually seizure related. I want to share something with you that I have said before... God made me this way for a reason. He knew what he was doing. Let those people talk. The reason they do it, they aren't educated about what we have.. If possible find something on the Internet and if you have a bulletin board put it there. You might be pleasantly surprised at the response. Good luck to you.

Ditto for me. Body image has always been really hard for me. I used to pray hard as a kid to be able to be just like all the other kids. I don't think I have anything awesome to add except that we understand what you're going through and support you 100%. Cheers yo.