I Have Cp
i never tell people, in fact if your reading this you'd be the first. i have always thought of "CP" as a curse thay i never deserved. i have cried myself to sleep many nights wondering "why me?" i always think of CP as permanent chains on my body that will never go away.
i was born 3.5 months early and only weighed 2pds. 3oz. i don't really know much else other that i was premature, and spent the first 3 months of life in the hospital. growing up i had a lazy eye (which i despised) and i was very skinny and underweight. most of what i can remember from my childhood was being around doctors like i was some kind of ******* science expiriment or something. i can remember being a child and getting made fun of constantly-(which still bothers me to this day because having CP isn't something i chose or would ever choose for anyone knowing the hell my life has been) i know it was hard on my mother because she only wanted the best for me and wanted me to function "like a normal child." in my life i've had probably 7 surgerys to make me look and function normally to the general public, and probably myself. i am grateful that i appear normal and most people cannot tell but i still hate myself everyday. i look in the mirror and see what CP has done to my body and i hate it, it's like i want to shatter the mirrior with the image i see in it. i wish there was a cure, some way i could have a normal body-something i have always dreamed of...i want to know whats it's like to have 20/20 vision and have a muscular body but unfortunatley i never will. i cry every once in a while because i hate that i have to be the one with this disability but i know that it has made me a stronger person. even so i wish i could take it away from myself...i wish i truely could be "normal."
i think of CP and a shadow thats with me at all times. if i ever feel normal it's like the CP engulfs me to constantly remind me how far from normal i really am