Because I'm Embarrassed

The times I have cheated do have something in common. I've written in other groups that I have the permission of my husband; he has the "right of veto" when I'm seeing someone else. But ... I have cheated on my husband. Why, when I have permission? Because I'm embarrassed by what I'm doing, or perhaps of whom I'm seeing.

I tell him about everyone I meet, but sometimes, I know which ones he will forbid me from hooking up with for sex. But sometimes, I just want to, so I make arrangements for a brief tryst somewhere nearby.

And you know, he's always right, even if I don't give him a chance to say no. Those meetings have, without exception, been disappointing, and I've always ended up ashamed. It's difficult to imagine that a woman who is happy about being a **** can be ashamed of who she *****, or the situation.

auroramaru auroramaru
46-50, F
9 Responses Jul 24, 2010

What about the kids?

zsu, you're wrong. :)

Have you ever watched the movie "Mr. Goodbar"? Do you think that maybe your husband has just stopped caring about you? For a man to allow you to do that he must be totally detached from you and look at you more as an ob<x>ject or roommate than a loving spouse. Do you have kids? If so, how much do you think they know about this?

mrmeauggie and specialtoonebody, thank you for explaining and for your comments. going solo, if you depend on someone being there, is certainly scary. but i find being with the husband when ******* another man is inhibiting. why? because i love my husband and don't want him to construe anything more than just face value. which means, he's done it to me before! <br />
(message me, for sure ;) )

specialtoonebody, thank you -- and i'm sorry to hear that kind of pain written in a comment. good luck to you, too.

i find text more intimate; the best partners i've had for sex were met online via a text interface. i've given up on the traditional bars, etc. knowing more leads to better satisfaction by everyone, mrmeauggie!

mrmeauggie, i understand -- i still have to ask if it's okay to tell him anything, and he will come ask if he wants to know. but it's not dinner conversation.

mrmeauggie -- it's also because he has a longer view of keeping me "safe" than i do, since i'm the one in the throes of lust. it's also a convenient and helpful way for me to back out of something that i don't feel is going "right." your wife is lucky to have someone who loves her enough to not only guide her, but to let her go. do you share the details after?