You Think Being A Mum Is Hard Try Being A Step Mum

Wow. It seems like lately, every two weeks I have an emotional breakdown.
I have been married for seven years, and with my husband for three years before that.
My step sons are 13 and 11. I have always been in the 11 year olds life.
We now have a 6 and 3 year old of our own.
When the boys first started coming over as little tykes, it was all fun and games.
ThenĀ our daughter came along, and they started to grow up, and things got a little harder, but I could manage.
Then our son came along and we had a full house when they were with us.
I know part of it is becoming moody teenagers.
But the 11 year old is sooooo like his uncommunicative mother.
He has minor issues as well and struggles at school with his work and bad behaviour.
He is extremely jealous of my daughter. I as nature intended, see the quarrels from my daughters point of view and get very frustrated by it. My husband, whom I treasure, nearly always takes the side of the two eldest to keep on their good side as he feels guilty about only seeing them every second weekend.
It is becomming harder and harder for me.
None of my friends are step parents.
My family are no help and tell me I am, to hard on the boys.
I have no one to talk to about it.
The roles of a step mum are sooo confusing.
I want to be like a mum, but get nothing in return.
Their mother talks down about us all the time which does not help matters.
Is anyone else in the same boat?
Please tell me I am normal. I hate feeling this down
sonjalcorn sonjalcorn
36-40
1 Response Aug 7, 2010

I have been with my husband for 9 years and I can sadly admit that I am in the same boat as you. My stepchildren are slowly, but surely, stripping away my sanity one day at a time. When I met my husband, he had full custody of his children and his ex-wife could barely tolerate their kids for an entire weekend. That should have been a warning bell for me, but I married him anyway and we then had 2 children of our own. Since having children together things progressively got worse with my stepchildren and with his annoying ex. Luckily, my husband does notice how mean his children are to me and the kids we had together. Unfortunately, they do not consider their younger siblings as siblings at all. Despite it all, our young boys idolize their older brothers and sisters. As a father to my kids, I could not ask for a better man. BUT... I do not know if I can live like this anymore. His ex-wife is always calling here, nagging him, and ultimately turning their kids against us. She has recently convinced them to live with her full time. Now that I have finished raising them she doesn't mind having them over, especially since their youngest are almost 15 and no longer need supervision. Our 5 & 7 year old boys are devastated. Worst of all, the ex plans on trying to get the maximum child support possible. If she succeeds, we will be left with a broken family - emotionally and financially. I don't think she'll be happy unless she sees us homeless. This is just the drama I am dealing with this week. Believe me when I say I've dealt with similar and much worse BS the past 9 years. Step-parenting for me has been the hardest challenge of my life with the fewest rewards. I love my husband, but I resent his kids. If I could walk away and never look back I would.