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Older Woman - Younger Man

I married a younger man with very small children. We have been married 10 years now.  My children were all out of the house except 1 when we got married and respect her step father very much.  The problem is that I have been in his children's lives for over 10 years and they have no respect for me.  They were 2 & 5 when I married their dad.  The day after we got married the oldest (girl) told me her mother told her that I wasn't her mother and she was to never call me mom either. So I never ask nor did expect them to call me mom.  Now the problem is we have custody of the 12 year old boy and the girl 15 lives with her mother.  Their mother is no good at all. She has been married I think 7 or 8 times and has no morals.  The daughter is now living her footsteps, but has not been married but has no respect for herself or me.  We over heard her and her bother talking one nite about how they hated me and called me names and a lot of other hurtful things.  We confronted them about it and now she has not been back.  She says if she appologizes to me her mother will make her come back every other week end.  I do not want her back.  Now the brother stays on the video games 24/7 is ADH and treats me like dirt.  He told me the reason he treats me this way is because he takes his anger out on me because of the anger he has toward his mother and if he told her she would cry, so he takes it out on me.  Great huh?  Now as for the father where does he stand, well he has finally stood up to the mother of these kids, now that he has custody of the boy, but before what ever she wanted he would deliver.  I have taken care of these children for a long time and don't understand the hate they have for me.  I have done without a lot of time.  All I want is to have time with their father and to be the way it used to be in the beginning.  I would love to give they boy back to his mother, but don't think she would take care of him and his needs.  She has neglected them alot with only herself at her best interest.  I am getting to old for this.  I have lost my job and tired of no respect from these children.  All of my adult children do respect him and his children and I have always treated them as equals.  Lost in space!!

clinta8237 clinta8237 51-55 3 Responses Apr 13, 2009

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My husband was given a choice 13 years ago me or his family? they said" he treated them like crap", If I had treated him poorly they would have like me, yes crazy. The dynamics of every family are different. It just so happens that your the bad guy in the relationship of the step-children. Do not take it personal, it would have been anyone. It is the mothers dysfunction, they can thank her for the problems they will have later in life. My husband has not see his children and grand children in 13 years, has some grand children he has never met. Every holiday I feel so bad for him, on their Birthdays, My husband I know misses them. You can't expect to put unrealistic demands on your family with no repercussions. The things your husbands X is doing will come back to bite her in the ***. In the meantime know the day will come, when it will be just the 2 of you and you will finally get the honey moon you deserve. Stay tuff, please don't leave him over this stuff, that's what the X wants.

These kids are brats. No child can treat an adult like dirt without a consequence. If they don't want to speak to you fine. But if they are treating you badly it is your husbands job to get his kids in line. This is his fault. Why should you be burdened with these crappy kids in your home!?<br />
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Another Stepmother...

Your in a tough situation - but you sound very mature and I bet you will get through this smelling like roses. Plus it sounds like you have great kids (your kids) who provide you with a good support network. All I can say is that it is probably too late for you do anything about hte 15 year old girl - it is up to her father now. As for the boy - you might have a chance. Being that he is ADH it might be difficult, but if you continue to love him and care for him - you might just make a difference in his life whether he sees it while he is in your house or not - it is very likely he may realize later on in life how much you did for him :)<br />
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By the way - I'm curious how your relationship is with your younger husband. I have met a woman that is 15 years older than me and I never expected to find love with somebody so much older than me. But I am unsure if the age difference will cause problems in the future. I am 30 and she is 45... If you are interested in chatting with me on this feel free to send me a private message.