Pain=no Sleep

Good morning,
Up early this morning 2 a.m. would rather be in that state of sleep that takes the pain away, but tonight has not been one of those nights.
Sometimes the pain in this ole body is just to much to bare. And tonight is a tough one, I would scream but it won't do any good. Last week I got so bad I went to the ER for a shot. The doctor came and started telling all this stuff about so many chronic things going on... I stopped him I said doc I know what is wrong and I know nothing is gonna help but I am begging for some relief please I can't take it.
He said, I can do that so he gave me shots of morphine, didn't stop the pain but gave me some relief for a little while.
I start a series of shots in my spine in two weeks, I hope they help, they say I will never be well enough to go back to work, I think I am accepting that maybe I am accepting that fact, hard one to swallow really because work is all I have ever known.
I don't know where I will go from here, I really don't have a lot of hope and dreams are shattered. 
I went  on an outing with the grandbabies, my son-in-law pushed me around in that rolling chair like it was nothing. For a little while I felt like me again.
I have been told to not let the pain control me, but for me to control the pain. People who say that don't have this kind of pain. They don't know what it is to hurt all the time. I have to stop thinking and talking about it I guess, but its hard to be in this much pain, alone.
mommaceitta mommaceitta
51-55, F
3 Responses May 16, 2012

I understand honey I suffer from chronic pain as well since 2008 I been home had to quit my job which I loved people that don't suffer from this don't understand pray about it you gotta get out the house you can't let the pain control you if only they knew the things that I have done to relieve this pain letting the doctor give you injections getting a spinal cord stimulator implanted I just said enough I will not keep doing all this stuff and nothing working all the scar tissue now so I just continue to take all these pain pills and let it go but now I am getting tired of taking the pain pills home alone a lot don't like to go no where because when I go somewhere I know when I get home the pain is going to be off the chain this is my first post so pain suffer get back with me.

thanks for your kind words, I hope that you are having a better day. My world has changed even more since I wrote this one, but one thing that stays the same is the pain. I now take lyrica and cymbalta in high doses and has given much relief in the legs and feet, i now walk again without my walker, praise God. but the pain in my back forever there eating away at my life. anyway to have others that understand..priceless

I've suffered from chronic back pain for more than a decade now. Two surgeries were a waste of time. I suffer 24/7 every day, every minute. I keep going because I know I have a wife and family that love me, and that is more important to me than the pain. I still have a mind, a voice, and the ability to write.

I want you to know you are not alone. We are here, like you, everywhere around the country. We wonder why others don't understand what is happening to us. We look okay on the outside for a long time, until the pain starts to show, and it gets difficult to walk.

I think the huge silent number of people of all races, religions, and genders who suffer from chronic back pain should make their voices heard. My dear, suffering is not the same as defeat. Do as much good with your life for as long as you can!

Thank you, since I wrote this story, I am walking again suppose to use a cane or walker, but I can walk!!!!! as it turns out I am a diabetic have been they say from the damage in my feet, legs, hands and arms 10-15 years. so the battle with that what I thought was just my back is diabetic neuropathy, plus the real bad back and neck that was broken and left a lot to deal with.
I went to my hearing a couple weeks ago, and the judge actually apologized for such a long delay in approval. So I have now been approved for disability, but waiting on my check to start. The pain is ever present, but medications have begun to help. I am living again and sometimes have good days.Some just not able to move so its a struggle.
But i dream of dancing in the rain, and this I shall do again!!!
God bless and hold on...

i am so sorry you have to endure this constant pain my friend. and people who say such unthinking you say, they.don't understand!<br />
i am here if you need an ear, get it out, keep writing, i wish i had a magic wand for you(hugs)

thank you for your concern it means alot. And I will keep writing just because you said so, because it helps so much. I wish you that magic wand also. :)