No To Pain Meds Why?

Good morning.
I had posted earlier of going to the pain clinic then had to make a trip to ER because of the pain. Well they had given me some hydrocodne and it helped. So I called the pain clinic doctor to see if she would give me some more, look they don't stop the pain but they helped.
So they call me yesterday and tell me no way, she doesn't want me on pain killers of any kind.Trymadol which is nothing anymore they don't touch it.
I am suppose to have some spinal injections starting next month.
I got a friend I go with her to her doctors appointments. I have seen her MRI results, etc... She mimics me and will actually tell the doctor what ever I have told her about myself. The thing is mine is real and shows up on all their test, her's never shows up anything and they write her dope left and right.???
So why would they do this? I have never been a pill head, and am at the point in my life without relief I can't live in this pain.
I tried to walk on my Cain yesterday at graveside had to give in and get wheel chair. Now this is the hardest thing for me.
I have fought and a good fight and won for a long time, now every breath hurts, every steps I take sends waves of pain through out my body.
The thing is if I have to live like this then I will have to admit defeat, I cannot.
I am a mama, wife, grandma, sister, aunt and friend to many. To hurt them in anyway would go against everything I have been for 50 years. I have been through hell and back in this life, and I was always able to go on because I knew I could make it through to the end. Now I see no end, i see no way out.
The fear of living like this in its self is enough to drive you mad. Needed to vent and hope to have an answer from someone going through the same...
hope your day is pain free!!!!!
mommaceitta mommaceitta
51-55, F
May 22, 2012