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An Aversion To Men

To fall in love is to lose control, and to lose control is to lose your life…
“Dooo do do do dooododo doot doot dodoot dodoot do do”
Mario’s theme song is playing from my cell phone. Another text. How do I say I’m not interested anymore without actually having to say it? I know, sadly, life does not work like that. I Reply, explaining that I assumed he didn’t want to talk to me because he wasn’t texting, and that is why I stopped calling and texting. Am I just giving him reason to think that I’m still interested? Because that is basically how it happened. I just didn’t mention that it was the fact that I really didn’t care all that much that I didn’t attempt to reach him.. He says that he called me, and I didn’t call back. Maybe he did and I saw it and I figured if he really cared that much he’d call back again. This is where my feelings and my reactions start to get tricky.
Sometimes I hafta wonder if there is something innately evil in me. I definitely have an aversion to any kind of commitment, and maybe that isn't evilness but it comes damn close to it when i'm making up excuses for myself. Ok, its either evilness or the voice of god. I say the voice of God because i'm either saving myself mountains of pain, and seething anger when I find out the truth is as it seemed. Viewing the world in black and white makes it easier to choose one and isolate the other.
I just don't want to love him, is that so bad? I don't want to love any man, I want to fight it until it changes everything. Until the world is changed. I guess I just learn more and more, relationship after relationship that men are not to be trusted, not like you would trust a best friend or another women. i have no scientific proof, but I bet if the right kind of research was done it would become apparent that men simply do not feel as greatly and strongly as women do, nor do they feel in the same way for the same reasons. Yes, this is true about everyone, but still there are definite gender differences. Sad pathetic differences that paint both in a weak way.
Anyway I honestly believe there should be mass teachings for women on how to be less sensitive, and how to not care as much and how to focus on oneself. Essentially the world would be more equal if women demanded more often to be treated this way, instead, you cannot defend the women that value there loyal roles as male servants. In fact, I don't believe there is anything wrong with this, as long as its always for ones personal enjoyment. As soon as it becomes more about him than you, of course, it becomes a problem. Maybe women just need to accept that we are this way instead of fighting ever so hard to not be seen like that. This is a man's world but alot of women like it that way and so it makes sense why it is that way. My world, however, is Tanisha's completely.


The question of if i'm lieing to myself isn't as important though, because in the end the behavior is the same, the reaction will be the same, and the meaning doesn't really effect it all in the end. I will be evil when it fits my purpose, and i'll be the reasoning voice of right and wrong when it is necessary. Whatever works to keep me seperate from male control.
deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Oct 4, 2011

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Sad to say, but I found myself agreeing a lot with what Tanisha has written.

I can just as easily say this about women Ive met as well "i have no scientific proof, but I bet if the right kind of research was done it would become apparent that men simply do not feel as greatly and strongly as women do, nor do they feel in the same way for the same reasons."..



Ther is no such thing honestly, that either women or men feel more in any kind of way, just depends on the invididual, but if I was gonna base it on experience, I could say the same, except I know ofc this dosent apply to all women, not at all.



And "This is a man's world but alot of women like it that way and so it makes sense why it is that way".. Not so here again.. More like a womans world here, see it pretty much everyday, men either getting mocked or looked down upon in some way or the other. Many times with the "guys dont understand feelings", yet I see guys explaining things to women on how they feel etc, but falls on deaf ears. Now again, i know its diffrent everywhere, but these are frequent here. And again, I could turn my rage towards women in general etc etc, but I love them. I should turn my rage to where it belongs.. like this and that person, is jugdemental, sexsist etc. Regardless of bringing in gender into it, cause gender dosent define or tell me anything about how that person is, ther behavior, action etc does.



Just my random tip, dont let fear controll you, nor your lust really. To me it seems you draw very bad people into your life that often make you misrable. And your fear seem kinda always make you feel alienated. Like you build up a huge fortress around you, and this way of protecting yourself seem to only goten associated with men, and I honestly dont think you will ever get a deeper connection with a male partner as long as you keep that one up. The key is however to learn who to let your walls down to.



But just my weirdo opinion, lol.



Peace :).

No worries :). And very true much of what you said :).

"it is easier for men to get sexual satisfaction from women, either by force or manipulation, than it is for women to receive emotional satisfaction".. Sadly true also :( :(.

And these not so obvious has always been obvious to me also I admit, but thats perhaps just me, since Ive always read people very easily honestly, lol.

As for people in controll, I dont think its good idea with either a man or woman, lol. Ive seen this everywhere also, power corrupts. One of the most cold hearted women Ive ever met worked in child protective service "helping kids", which ment whoever gave them most money they would support, in courts also and such. So basicly, they took away children from ther parents cause of either school or whatever instance offered most for this so called neutral psyciatrist ladies etc. (stone cold those also). All of these women that I met ther, was so entirly consumed by ther status and power, abused it entirly. I cant even say how many heartbraking stories Ive heard about innocent kids practicly getting stolen from ther parents cause they where bullied in school :(.(And yes these where loving families that dident have any history of abuse, alcohol, drugs or anything). Its ridiculous and disgusting. But now im getting side tracked, my real point was.. Robots should be in power, lol. People will always be too stupid, lol.

And jersey shore!?, isent that like a collection of the most shallow people you could find?, lol. Even tho I admit my total view time for that show/thingy has been max 10 seconds. But that was more then enough, lol.

But anyway yesh, I can agree with pretty much everything :).

i have no scientific proof, but I bet if the right kind of research was done it would become apparent that men simply do not feel as greatly and strongly as women do, nor do they feel in the same way for the same reasons.

The question of if i'm lieing to myself isn't as important though, because in the end the behavior is the same, the reaction will be the same, and the meaning doesn't really effect it all in the end. I will be evil when it fits my purpose, and i'll be the reasoning voice of right and wrong when it is necessary. Whatever works to keep me seperate from male control.